Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Getting $5.75 (plus tax) Worth of Joy Out of This Month's Oprah Magazine.

In anticipation of Beck's annual skewering of O Magazine's "The O List: the Holiday Edition" I purchased the December issue of the magazine.

{{Update: Beck's post is up: The Healing Power of Oprah.}}

I'm a visual person, and it makes Beck's Oprah post all the more delicious for me to have the magazine in hand so that I can revel in Beck's words while looking at the proof that Oprah and her staff have completely lost touch with the economic reality (and good taste) of the middle class.

I even vowed not to peek at the "O List"pages until Beck publishes her post (I just reread the 2009 version and it still makes me laugh out loud).

I did however glance through the rest of the magazine:

The Tyler Perry - Oprah love fest continues (p. 288). Stedman better bring his A-game.

Lisa Kogan's article (p. 194) is wonderful -- as always.

James Franco is the actor featured in this month's "Books That Make A Difference" (p. 184) column. For once I think the books were actually chosen by the actor (he's in a Ph.D. program at Yale), not by their publicist.

I enjoyed the Helen Mirren (p. 58) profile.

Fresh off her press tour detailing how she's recovered from anorexia, Portia De Rossi wrote this months "Aha! Moment" column (p. 68) about why she's a vegetarian.  Then she sat for this picture:



"EAT SOME MEAT, PORTIA! AND WEAR LONG SLEEVE SHIRTS!"

Someone on the editorial staff got drunk and put together a fashion spread (p 236) for party wear, that includes a plus-sized woman wearing a leopard skin muumuu caftan. It's very, very cruel.

There's an article (p. 205) by Howie Kahn about his grandmother who is on some kind of power trip at her seniors' home. This very harsh article about the social and political hierarchy amongst senior citizens (it makes high school social dynamics seem like a cake walk) may convince a few people that assisted suicide for the elderly is NOT a bad thing. I'm pretty sure that Kahn's grandmother is going to strike him from her Christmas card list. And her will.

I'm going to suggest my husband make one or all four of the dips featured in the "Comfort Zone" column (p. 145). Beer + cheese + garlic = my kind of dip.

But, wait. What is this I see on page 82?! Has The Divine Miss Oprah given us all an early Christmas present in the form of a hysterically awful photo of Dr. Phil?

Oh, yes she has:
Lascivious facial expression!
Shiny leather suit jacket!
MOM JEANS!
Weirdly discoloured, awkwardly posed hands!

That photo alone makes me glad that I gave $5.75 (plus taxes) to the Oprah World Dominance Corporation. I'm already feeling more Christmas spirit. "May God Oprah bless us, everyone."

9 comments:

  1. SELF-PROMOTION: MY POST IS UP.END OF SELF-PROMOTION.

    I loved so very much about this magazine. Portia: not spreading violence/weighing a healthy weight! Dr. Phil, looking as relaxed and hep as my father-in-law in every picture ever! Tyler Perry tongue-kissing Oprah!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ewwww...Dr Phil....ewwwwww (he totally stole my mom's jeans). Sometimes I see photos of Dr Phil and I think "he had sex with someone" and it just gives me the willies. Ewwww. Willies.

    I think those dips look good. I am planning on making them. And I read that article about the senior's home and I was unsure of the point. Brocade socks and beading = good? Or was the point that all we have to look forward to is high-school-esque popularity contests? Because prior to that article I was totally looking forward to the old age home. I was all ready to break out the shuffleboard and afternoon tea parties, and sexually harrassing the male orderlies. Now I'm terrified of what my foray into old age will bring.

    ReplyDelete
  3. ok, i thought the plus-sized leopard skin caftan was bad.

    and then i saw the dr. phil photo.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nan + Beck + Oprah rant = love. And, the best, best, start of the season.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Loved Beck's post. Yours here too. You two could start your own consumer snark blog, I'd subscribe.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Can you hear the photographer giving Dr. P art direction?

    Try to look casual.
    No, now see, you went too creepy.
    Maybe rest your hand casually on your thigh.
    DEAR GOD IN HEAVEN MAN, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HANDS??!!!
    Relax your face. No, relax. Reeelllaaaaxxx.
    Okay, now a little smile...oh dear, we're at creepy again....

    ReplyDelete
  7. Can hardly type from laughing at Janet's comment. Dr. Phil...ughggghg (visceral shudder). Someone skewers Oprah annually? Now that's something I can get behind. But you're saying I shouldn't wear my leopard-print caftan?

    ReplyDelete
  8. i think Dr. Phil would've looked better in the leopard print caftan. at least those tend to have some flow and not look like they've been ripped from their packaging, promptly starched, and then painted on.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love these comments -- you are all so very clever.

    ReplyDelete