Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Visual Aides.

It is my deepest desire to never appear on CNN, or The Today Show, or The View, or Ellen Degeneres,  or Oprah or any of their counterparts. Well, unless I'm there to participate in a Star Trek- inspired poetry slam. Oh yeah, baby.

To that end, I'm going to blog with a goal of anonymity. Hence no photos of the boys or my husband. However, I'm a visual learner, and want to include some photos that reasonably approximate my two sons.

I was just going to steal some photos of kids modeling clothes on the Sears website. Seemed fitting since at least half of the boys' wardrobes come from Sears. I quickly realized that the child models on Sears are kinda...hmm...well, see for yourself:



Does the dirty stringy hair make you want to buy these shiny suits?

 Why is this four year old wearing Sam Donaldson's toupee?


What's up with the mini drum/bong thing? 
When will the Bieber-do fade away?

This kid -- whom I call mini-James Franco -- is cute, but for some reason he is repeatedly posed awkwardly NOT looking at the camera. He's all over the catalogue NEVER looking at the camera.

To wit:





WHY?

These are all good-looking boys, but there is something off with the styling of Sears catalogue shoots.

And while I did not find photos to use as my pseudo-sons I did find some awesome home decorating looks that I hope to incorporate in our house.

First, a mural of GIANT PEBBLES!


And on the opposite wall of my living room I will have Attack of the Killer Super-sized Bamboo!


In the dining room I will stray away from the Honey I Shrunk the Kids, and the House 
motif and go for faux-Tuscan.


It will be just like being in Italy, but without all the foreigners.

Then for the master bedroom, I planning to build an infinity wall:

Because ceilings are just so over done.

And I don't know about you, but nothing says luxurious, hygienic bathroom 
like wall-to-wall carpeting:


Alas I finally had to admit that Sears was not meeting my pictures-worth-stealing-and-pretending-these-are-my-kids standards. So these random kid models will have to suffice:

This will be the body double for my 8 year old.


Laughing boy is -- so far as you strangers on the internet are concerned -- my 6 year old son.

3 comments:

  1. Lovely boys you have! If you could find a way to carpet the bathroom and the bedroom, now that would be sweet!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Your pseudo-sons are much cuter than the strange Sears ones. Well done.
    Carpet in the bathroom + all of the men in your house = ewwwwww.

    I think you would enjoy a site call Catalog Living (have you seen this?) as much as I do. It shares your sense of humor regarding catalog styling. Although I just went there to get the address and it's down for now. Hopefully you'll be able to see it eventually, if you haven't already:

    http://catalogliving.net/

    ReplyDelete
  3. Ewwwww...carpet in the bathroom. Maybe with a matching furry toilet seat cover?
    Shudder.

    ReplyDelete