Thursday, February 3, 2011

Eat The Rich.

I like celebrity gossip. I'm not going to try and justify this interest using sports analogies or pop-psychology or sociological and anthropological double talk. I simply enjoy judging the lives of rich, privileged people.

I do however think that not all celebrity is gossip is created equally. Some stories are life affirming or inspiring, while others are demoralizing.

In the former category I include these types of fun/lite/distracting stories:

√ Pregnancies,
√ New Babies: I breathe a sigh of relief every time a new celebrity baby is given a proper name (Christina Applegate's Sadie Grace). But even if the child is given something awful (Amy Adams' Aviana Olea Le Gallo) I'm still happy,
√ Weddings: Yes, I'll be watching the Royal Wedding in April,
√ Engagements: It's surprising how often celebrity engagements frequently do not culminate in an actual wedding,
√ Celebrities using their fame for charitable causes. All hail the queen of do-gooders: Angelina Jolie!,
√ Plastic surgery: the smaller Natalie Portman's nose becomes, the less I like her,


√ Stories mocking Scientologists: it's a cult! A cult based on an alien invasion of planet Earth and the reincarnation of clams. I find it amusing when Scientologists get knocked about by the press,
√ Deaths of natural causes after a long life,
√ Stories of newly found sobriety, and
√ Ugly dresses at award ceremonies.

Then there are the kind of stories that are boring or mean or depressing:

√ Movie premiers. Uh. Who cares?,
√ What the children of celebrities are wearing,
√ Break ups or divorces, especially if they involve children or infidelty,
√ Celebrities drinking and driving. I'm so disappointed in Alan Tudyk,
√ Stories about Sarah Palin or her children saying or doing something stupid. She's dumb. Her kids are dumb. And dumb people still love her. This just makes me depressed,
√ Custody battles. As an aside: Is  Halle Berry certifiable or does she just need to hire a new publicist?,
√ Anything to do with Oprah,
√ Anything that has anything to do with any reality tv star,
√ Jennifer Aniston and her shrivelled up ovaries on vacation in Mexico drinking and smoking and suntanning,

√ Articles that are about musicians. Especially if they are named Bieber, Gaga, or Miley,
√ Revising the details of Michael Jackson's life and trying to convince people he wasn't a pedophile who preyed on children. He was. He did. The. End.,
√ Deaths by unnatural causes after a short life,
√ Public intoxication and/or mental illness,
√ Cooch flashing. This seems to be a waning trend. Thank heavens, and
√ Kanye West. Why is he still famous?

7 comments:

  1. I'm so with you. Except for the musicians part. If I like their music, or some of their music. I went through a very guilty period in my early twenties when I thoroughly (privately) (secretly) enjoyed Britney Spears' music.

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  2. This is why we get along so well! I definitely enjoy my celebrity gossip and my thoughts run pretty much the same as yours. I think the name Sadie Grace is great and the Halle B custody battle is just going to get more ugly I think.

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  3. Yeah, I'm pretty glad that cooch flashing is a waning trend.

    The royal wedding, I will not only be watching it, I will be PVR'ing it. Yes I am. I am not ashamed, either.

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  4. I'm only in as far as the ugly dress thing.
    GoFugYourself is a once a month indulgence for me. It would be funnier if I actually KNEW who the people were (the downside to not having cable for over 15 years) but it's amusing nevertheless. Occasionally an oldie is trotted out & I'm all happy that it's someone I recognize. HEY! It's Warren Beatty!!! ......... omg. He's old......? When did that happen?

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  5. Yup. Thanks for keeping an eye on Natalie Portman's nose for me -- I had no idea.

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  6. Oh, and Alan Tudyk. I'm dying inside. Both about the DUI and the fact that he was in Dodgeball.

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  7. @Bibliomama -- I think Portman's had 2 nose jobs! Which is ridiculous because she was beautiful to begin with. Have you seen Dodgeball? It's pretty funny.

    @hornblower -- I like GoFugYourself in very small doses. My favourites are the memos by Intern George.

    @Nicole -- Lets make a twitter date for the Royal Wedding, okay?!

    @Jenifer -- It's been 24 hrs since I wrote this post and the Halle Berry situation is already way more sorted and messy! I think she's a loon.

    @OmahaMama -- The musicians I like are so obscure and/or passe that they don't even make the gossip sites. Well, Barry Manilow did generate some press when he had hip replacement surgery.

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