Monday, May 9, 2011

Diet is "die" with a -T. Honestly, I'm too old for this shit.

I don't know that I have ever dieted.

The previous statement is not indicative of a faulty memory.  I don't know because the definition of the verb to diet is not universally agreed upon. Is dieting a renewed commitment to eating healthy and getting more exercise, because you suddenly realize that you have put on a few pounds or have forgotten to work out for a few weeks? Does dieting apply only when you count calories, ban certain kinds of food and/or eat vast quantities of another, ie the Grapefruit Diet, the Dukan Diet? By the former definition, I have dieted. By the latter: hell no.

At this point in my life, I'm just glad to have all my original organs, and my original husband. I workout five times a week. I eat healthy. I enjoy an occasional square of dark chocolate or a mug of vodka. What I eat is determined by the need to control my high cholesterol and hypoglycemia ("CHEESE! I need MEDICINAL CHEESE!," I've been known to shout when I begin to feel light headed),  not because I want to wear skinny jeans and relive my early 20s. Admittedly, no one is knocking on my door asking me to be Giselle Bunchen's body double. I'm okay with that. I don't want to be called a Yummy Mummy (*insert vomiting sounds*) and if someone called me a MILF, I'd kick him in the groin.

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  1. Another definition is that a "diet" is a short-term eating plan - hence the assertions that "dieting doesn't work."

  2. I don't understand the term MILF. I mean I know what it stands for, but why some women aspire to be MILFs is beyond me. There was a woman at the park last year with her two young kids proudly wearing a t-shirt proclaiming her to be a MILF. I didn't try and make friends with her so I don't know what she was thinking.

    Anyway that comment was off topic but I read the word MILF and that's all I could think about.

  3. @Bea -- Exactly.

    @Marilyn -- Yes! Those women who declare themselves MILFs boggle my mind. It's so passive. They aspire to be someone who others want to…erm… "fornicate with." Couldn't they at least aspire to be Mother Who Like To Fornicate. MWLTF.

  4. Eating well is just a lifestyle, not a diet, so I would say that you - by my definition - have never been on a diet. I eat healthy and I do yoga 6x/week, plus dog walking, so I consider myself to have a healthy lifestyle and have no need to "diet".


    It's been a long road here, I spent my teens and 20s on a diet in which I would count calories, restrict foods, count fat, count protein, and generally feel a great deal of self-loathing. It's ingrained in me such that I just automatically count calories. I wish it wasn't that way - I'm working on it - but that's where I am right now. I'm not on a diet, no, but I do know how many calories I consume in a day.

    Maybe it could be my party trick! Maybe I could start just shouting out calories in random foods. Banana! 80! Non-fat tazo chai, tall! 150! What a bummer of a party trick THAT would be.

  5. I'd like to think that most women don't aspire to be MILFs and if that is their goal in life, well then, they must not have much in the way of a life.

  6. I always wish I could be the person who doesn't have to THINK about eating, that it just naturally healthy. My thermostat is set to CARBS and BINGE. So I have to try and limit myself, thus the 15-year up and down journey I've been on. Which I would call a diet, though I rarely deprive myself. I'm trying to rewire my brain to the HEAlTHY LIFESTYLE way of life and make it part of me so that it doesn't have to be this external thing that takes up so much of my cognition every stinkin day.

  7. I have the occasional epiphanies of "wait, I SHOULDN'T eat a whole box of doughnuts?? Oooooooohhhh.....", but otherwise scorn the diet idea. I like chocolate more than I care about my exact pant size as long as it's not jumping unwards or a becoming a health issue.

    Oh, and I fully agree with the "die with a t" part! I do NOT do well with food restriction!!

  8. I am a lot like OM I have to think about it in order to stay on track. I have a natural tendency towards carbs and toast and tea is my ultimate comfort combination. I do eat lots of fruits and veggies and the rest, but probably too many carbs.

    My issue aside from loving carbs a lot is keeping a consistent workout routine. I would love to hear any tips of how you made it a non-negotiable part of your life. That is my biggest downfall, I never make working out a top priority.