Seven years on, I think the name Apple -- while asinine -- is jejune.
I'm so jaded that I barely reacted last week when I read that Kevin James (Huh? Who? Am I suppose to recognize this name?, was the response from 95% of my readers) named his son Kannon.
In 2011 it takes a lot to shock me.
Alas, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have helped set the celebrity-baby-name-idiocy bar really high. Their new born twins are named:
Moroccan Scott Cannon
You know what makes it more hideous? Monroe is a girl. Yup. A girl.
The glittery, pink icing on this ugly name? Mariah chose it to honour Marilyn Monroe. Why would you name your child after a drug addicted, mentally unstable, long dead starlet? A woman best known for her sexual persona, lack of intelligence, and promiscuity is not a good role model for a child. Mariah and Nick should probably speak with David Boreanaz, whose daughter Bardot (as in Brigitte) is now named Bella. I wish Mariah and Nick called her Marilyn, it's a lovely, classy name.
I take some small comfort that Monroe's brother didn't get off any easier. Moroccan Cannon is a mouth full. When I try saying it out loud, it comes out sounding more like "Menachem Begin." I understand why Mariah and Mr Mariah are going to call him "Roc." My favourite part is that Moroccan's name was inspired by the décor in his parents' living room.
On that note, I'm going to conclude this post by thanking my parents for not naming me Shag Carpet, Faux Wood Panelling or Antimacassar.