Sunday, July 31, 2011

32 People With Whom I Would Choose To Be Stranded In A Chilean Mine For 69 Days.

1. Terry Grant, aka The Mantracker.

2. Ernest Shackleton.

3. Tom Hanks in his role as Jim Lovell from Apollo 13. "All right, we're not doing this, gentlemen, we're not gonna do this. We're not gonna go bouncing off the walls for ten minutes, because we're just gonna end up right back here with the same problems! Try to figure out how to stay alive!"

4. Jennifer Garner. I bet if we met in real life, she and I would be buddies.

5. Richard Castle. Yes, he's fictional, but he's very optimistic. Also he is currently the only titular character on a television show that doesn't suffer from some form of mental illness.

6. Gerard Butler. I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.

7. Will Ferrell. Funny and nice.

8. Richard Hatch. There's always got to be some fat loudmouth tool in every group. Hatch, it is. Plus he's been in jail so he'll be comfortable in confined spaces. And no, I'm not too worried about the naked Hatch-ass. I'll deal.

9. Ian Hanomansing. He is unflappable.

10. Jann Arden. She's funny. She wears hats. She has the voice of an angel.

11. Michelle Obama' mother, Marian Robinson. She was catapulted to international fame after her son-in-law was elected President of the United States and now she lives in the White House helping raise her grandaughters. Her life sounds like the premise for a television sitcom! I bet she's a no nonsense straight shooter.

12. CBC Science commentator Bob McDonald.

13. Julie Payette, Canadian astronaut. I've got a wee crush on her.

14. The guy from the PBS documentary Alone In The Wilderness. Rugged individualism and creative ingenuity -- just what we'll need in our caved in mine.

15. Doctor Oz. I find him very soothing. But I'd like the version of Oz that pre-dates his Oprah-sponsored tv show. I can't stand The Oprah.

16. Nate Berkus. If we're going to be underground for 69 days, I want our caved in mine to at least look aesthetically pleasing.

17. Jamie Oliver, The Naked Chef. I don't care much for his taste in baby names (Buddy Bear!? WTF?), and he's kinda of a goof, but the man can cook.

18. My dentist. Well really, any dentist. I guess the real 33 Chilean miners had some really bad dentition problems. Blergh.

19. Hillary Clinton. She knows how to make things happen.

20. Hugh Jackman. In song and dance mode, not Wolverine mode.

21. Gwyneth Paltrow. If I learned anything from my extensive viewing of Hogan's Heroes, it was that a common enemy (be it Goopy or Colonel Klink) bolsters the morale of the group.

22. Idris Elba. Fiiiiiine.

23. Spock. Not Quinto. Not Nimoy. Spock.

24. Florencio Avalos, aka the first guy lifted out of the Chilean mine. Firstly he is a fine looking man. Secondly he has practical knowledge of how to survive in a mine for 69 days. I mean there aren't a lot of people with first-hand experience in prolonged subterranean survival. Baby Jessica? Pfft. 58 hours. That's nothing.

25. Dwayne Johnson, The Rock. Just because.

26. Michael Buble. Like family reunions, you must have at least one affable singing drunk in every Chilean mine.

27. Chris Pine:

Okay I don't really care if Pine's stuck in the mine with me, I just wanted an excuse to post these photos.

28. Heidi Klum. Doesn't she seem like a hoot?

29. Jessica Fletcher. You never know when you'll need an amateur sleuth on your team.

30. Grant Imahara. The least annoying member of Mythbusters. Plus he's an electrical engineer and specializes in robotics.

31. Michaƫllle Jean. Recently unemployed Governor General. Eater of seal heart.

32. Jeff Probst. He can stand next to the shuttle contraption and as each person takes a turn escaping to the surface, he will say, "The tribe has spoken. It's time for you to go."


  1. Ha! I love this list...I didn't know who Idris Elba was....THANK YOU. Oh, and number 32 made me laugh...didn't see it coming.

  2. But when Jessica Fletcher turned up dead, who would solve her murder? Ah, who cares, we can just feed our eyes with the gorgeousness of Idris Elba. And we could eat Gwyneth, if she had any meat on her bones. Okay, that was mean. I kind of feel like I should erase it, but I won't.

  3. If I were actually stuck in a mine, I would die instantly. My heart could not handle it what with my crippling claustrophobia. That claustrophobia is probably why I would not be in said mine in the first place. Just typing about it is making me a little woozy.

  4. If I was stuck in a mine with Chris Pine, I'd have two questions: 1. How did I get there? and 2. Should I do it with him, even though I'm 18?