Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Walt Disney is a Big Fat Liar.

After watching the coverage of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's tour of Canada, I've decided that being a princess is a pretty sucky job. The life of the Duchess of Cambridge (aka Kate Middleton) bears little resemblance to the life of a Disney princess. Is it possible that Disney Princess movies and toys are not based on reality? Where are the tiny birds to weave flowers into Kate's lovely locks?  Shouldn't there be more handmaidens to do her bidding? Can't Kate order the beheading of any member of the media who criticizes her figure, her outfits, her hair? What happened to flouncing about the castle all day wearing ball gowns and sexually harassing the handsome houseboys and equerries?

Kate Middleton is a trooper. Which do you think hurts more: Kate's cheeks from all the smiling, or Kate's feet from all the walkabouts while wearing high-heels? Just watching the recap of events on the evening news makes me tired. I can't imagine how exhausted she (and Will, but of course Will isn't doing this tour while walking around in high heels and stockings so I think he's getting off easier) feels right about now. Their days are packed with walkabouts, speeches, plays, lobster boils, dragon boat racing, helicopter flying, street hockey games, canoeing, bannock eating, AND laughing uproariously after being addressed as the "Douche and Duchess of Cambridge." So much for a life of royal leisure.

I wouldn't blame her if she broke down in tears yesterday when Will announced he'd arranged a "romantic camping trip" in the Northwest Territories. Did Kate started off her morning with a blood transfusion necessitated by the ravenous hoards of mosquitoes, black flies, and horse flies that feasted on her all night long? You couldn't pay me enough money to go tent-camping in early July in the north.

Not until I started this blog did I realize how much I love the Royal Family. I'm about three minutes away from buying a corgi, tying a doily to my head and driving like a wild woman to Calgary for their final appearance. I'm just so charmed by this couple who will one day (hopefully) be the King and Queen of Canada. In particular I love this photo (taken yesterday during their time in Yellowknife):

I -- like most Canadians -- am happy that they're enjoying themselves. Despite the bugs.


  1. I wanna know why so many people are cranky about Kate and William. They look they are working quite hard. She can't possibly get any skinnier.

  2. I have all kinds of love for these two. I really can't believe we've got to get through Charles & Camilla on the throne (and our money!) before we can have Will & Kate.

    And yes, if being a princess means I have to tent-camp North of 60 during bug season... uh, no thanks.

  3. I was reading a cranky column in the paper today by some guy grouching about them being useless and people only loving them for their royal status, not for anything they actually do - but the fact is, people DO love them, and like you said, they walk around in suffocating heat never having any privacy and allowing themselves to be loved publicly. It's more good than a lot of people do.

  4. I'm getting less and less enthralled with monarchy as I age. I'm now in the 'get rid of them' camp.

    Though I love a family whose matriarch adores dogs, even biting ones. They're all gaga about horses and dogs and I heard that the Queen Mum was crazy about cattle. That's something on the plus side.

    But any position which is held by virtue of what your ancestors did is just.... wrong.

    These two seem personable enough & I wish them well as people and as a couple; but as for what they stand for, it's time for a democratic nation to move on.


  6. I think they are so charming. I'm so curious to know if the camping was actually romantic or if they bickered the whole time like a normal couple would.

  7. @Kimberly -- I put it down to jealousy. Jealous that they're moneyed, influential, in love , attractive, young, vibrant and skinny (very, very skinny).

    @hodgepodgeandstrawberries -- I would happily skip over Charles and Camilla's time on the throne.

    @Bibliomama -- I would rather read 9,999,999 articles about Will and Kate than a single solitary article about a reality tv show famewhore like Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian. I saw a photo montage of Diana and Charles' first visit to Canada, and in so many photos Diana is bored and glum. Such a contrast to Kate who is engaged and cheerful at every appearance. As someone prone to pulling a good sulky faced yawn when even slightly bored, I'm impressed.

    @hornblower -- I am too much a fan of history, and too much a patriot to be scornful of the Royal Family. They are one of the few instutions that defines our nation's identity and cultural heritage and keeps us from being subsumed by American pop culture.

    @Marty -- oh that's a great cartoon.

    @Melanie D -- Have you heard of glamping? It's glamourous camping. I'm sure this is what Will and Kate did. Egyptian cotton sheets, portable privy, catered meals, etc. Mind you they did get engage in a rustic-sounding cabin in Africa, so they are somewhat familiar with being tortured by flying mosquitos.

  8. Drive to Calgary RIGHT NOW. I am so excited they are going to beeeeeeee heeeeerrrrrreeeee! I don't even need to see them in person. I am so freaking excited. I cannot - CANNOT - get enough media coverage. It's just all so happy! And so pretty! Her SHOES, my god, her shoes.

  9. i like 'em in spite of myself. i think mostly because, like you say, a) she's not Paris Hilton and b) i remember glum Diana and these two are damn fine sports. privileged, yes. but i think Charles maybe did an alright job with those two boys, for a royal, at least. ;)

  10. That's interesting. So the implication is that people who are opposed to monarchy don't know history &/or are not patriotic. And are possibly American pop culture bimbos.

    & yakking about some rich person's outfit (someone who married into British royal family & is rich & influential because of family) is SO different from yakking about another rich person's outfit (who is rich because she's an heiress).

    Got it.

  11. @Nicole -- the media coverage of the Royal Tour is payback for the months of hockey "news" I endure every freakin' winter.

    @bon -- you make a good point. I should probably ease up on my criticism of Charles, since both boys seem like decent people who are contributing members of society.

    @hornblower -- Am I misinterpreting the tone of your comment? Because it appears to me to be an unnecessarily angry and condescending response. I expressed my opinion about the royal family, as you expressed yours in an earlier (equally brief, equally conversational) comment. If you'd like to discuss the merits and limitations of the monarchy or the false notion that Canada is a meritocracy, I'm all for it. So long as you don't attack me or insult the people who frequent my blog, which is, 90% fluff. That's how I like it.