I didn't set out to write an inflammatory post about tattoos on Tuesday. I MEANT to write an inflammatory post about the awful, awful name Ethan Hawke bequeathed to his newest daughter: Indiana. "Indiana Hawke" is ten ways to horrible. Almost as horrible as the tattoos Indiana's mother got during her illustrious career as a stevedore:
I think we can all agree: those are very, very, VERY unfortunate. Plus, is coordinating your dress and your purse with your tattoos a thing now? If yes, it's a very, very, VERY bad thing.
But enough about Popeye-esque tattoos. Let's talk about why Indiana is a craptastic name.
Firstly, it's a state. And it's not even one of those states whose names also double as given names (ie Georgia, Virginia). Nope, it was a colonial-era neologism for the term Indian Land. Also, it's a state mostly famous for being the state whose denizens like to be called Hoosiers.
Secondly, Indiana's sisters are Maya and Clementine and her brother is Levon. Seventy-five percent of Mr Hawke's children have lovely legitimate names -- why is this little girl cursed with this lamentable proper noun?
The third reason this name sucks is because it's supposedly a homage to River Phoenix, who portrayed Indiana Jones in "The Last Crusade." Do you think it's a bad idea to name your child after a person who died young by consuming illegal drugs, even if that person was a very talented actor? I do. Plus, I'm a smidge superstitious and think the whole dying-young-thing is bad omen. And the omen of her-namesake-was-a-drug-user? Also, not stellar.
(The following may or may not be my fourth reason to hate the "name" Indiana OR it might be an extension of point #3. I'll let you decide.)
Furthermore, I'm puzzled as to how Indiana honours River Phoenix? He played Indiana Jones for 15 minutes. Okay. Maybe it was 19 minutes. Whatever. It was a pittance. River Phoenix was NEVER Indiana Jones. Harrison Ford is Indiana Jones. Plus Indiana Jones' real name was Henry Jones Junior. The nickname Indiana was even disparaged in the third movie, when Sean Connery's character points out, "We named the dog Indiana."
As an aside: the name Indiana Jones was inspired by George Lucas' dog. That dog? Was also the inspiration for the character Chewbacca.
Anyone else hoping the Hawkes have a fifth child and use the name Wookiee?