Monday, August 29, 2011

Selective Breeding.

I did not create this PostSecret submission, but I wish I had:


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I am so excited that Beyoncé and Jay-Z are having a baby! Not that I care one whit about either of these people (though as token gesture to my Canadian-ness I call him Jay-ZED), but nothing warms my heart like the prospect of mocking a celebrity for giving their baby a bad, bad name.

Which is not to say that I was disappointed when Tina Fey gave birth a few weeks back. No.  Ms Fey is not only funny AND pretty AND clever, she has excellent taste in baby names. Her older girl is Alice Zenobia, and the new baby is Penelope Athena. The same day this name was announced, news came that Jessica Alba's new daughter is named Haven. Haven isn't great, in my opinion. But it could be worse: Alba could've named the baby Nevaeh.1
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Are Kiss the band who dress up in the black and white face make-up? I don't know, and I'm too lazy to google the answer. Honestly, the sum total of my knowledge about metal bands begins and ends with Twisted Sister's "We're Not Gonna Take It."

Despite my ignorance, I enjoyed what Kiss' Paul Stanley said recently about baby names:
I guess we’re not cool enough for names like Peach or Astro Girl. We were a little more traditional and stick with names our children hopefully won’t regret when they grow up. Your kids aren’t objects for amusement, so why would you give them a name that would subject them to possible ridicule at school? Kids can be pretty tough on each other, and who wants to put a child named Spaghetti through school?
Paul Stanley's kids are beautifully named: Evan, Sarah, Colin, and Emily. I think I like this guy.

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Do you have positive associations with the noun gentry? Maybe it's because I'm Canadian and (in the estimate of the American media) a quasi socialist, but I don't think highly of it. Evidently someone in Michigan disagrees:

 (source: Parents magazine, August 2011, page 174)

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1 GET IT? Nevaeh! It's HEAVEN, spelled backwards!!!11!!!"

In my experience, people who give their kids awful names frequently 
google those names. Rather than risk some mean mutha from Michigan 
raining vengeance on my head, I'm going to turn off the comments for this post.