Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Warp Speed Wednesdays. Turn Your Head and Cough.

As I mentioned in several recent posts, I am sick. Not sick enough to warrant a visit to the doctor but,   medicated enough  sick enough for me to find it amusing to contemplate which of the five Chief Medical Officers from the five Star Trek series, I would consult for  a Nyquil overdose  various maladies.

Clockwise starting at the far left: McCoy, Crusher, Bashir, The Doctor, and Phlox.

Doctor Leonard "Bones" McCoy:
 "By golly, Jim, I'm beginning to think I can cure a rainy day!" -- McCoy (The Devil in the Dark)

The Original Series'  McCoy is a competent, cantankerous man with limitless compassion and a lead stomach. The story goes that McCoy is a country doctor at heart. He abides by his Hippocratic oath, and remains true to his friends and his values. I'd go him for everything that ails me including the hangover I'd suffer after going out with him and Scotty on shore leave. Now THAT would be fun.

Doctor Beverly Crusher:
"You have an appointment in your cabin, Captain, with your bed!" -- Crusher (Angel One)

The Next Generation was the only series to have a female Chief Medical Officer. Too bad Crusher is such a milksop. She's not all bad. She can be feisty when ordering the Captain to bed (but never accompanying him). She's a good researcher. She can ballroom dance. She has a steamy romance with a candle. But in a battle with the Borg, is she up to the task of dealing with field surgery? I don't think so.  Crusher's better suited to pediatrics. I'd take my boys to see Crusher for a fever, and I'd go to her for a pelvic exam, but not for anything requiring surgery.

[Note: for one season Katherine Pulaski was the Chief Medical Officer but the character wasn't very well developed, so I'm leaving her out.]

Doctor Julian Bashir:
"He's still dead, if that's what you mean" -- Bashir (Dramatis Personae)

In the first two seasons of Deep Space Nine, Julian Bashir is an ass. He's young and cocky and not very likable. The character improves as Bashir's back story and mettle evolve. I would enjoy partaking of Bashir's bedside manner (*wink, wink, nudge, nudge*). He's the doctor I'd go to if I had a rare medical condition requiring innovative treatment, or a battlefield wound in need of dressing or an itch that need scratching (*wink, wink, nudge, nudge*).

The Doctor:
"I programmed myself with the symptoms of a 29-hour Levodian flu. Thus I will gain the experience that you suggest would be beneficial to the performance of my duties. [sneezes, and grabs a tissue] Holographic tissue paper for the holographic runny nose. Don't offer them to patients. [blows his nose] Hmmm. Interesting sensation, blowing one's nose. It's my first time." -- The Doctor (Tattoo)

In the premiere episode of Voyager, the ship is stranded on the far side of the galaxy. When their flesh-and-blood doctor dies, the crew activates an Emergency Medical Hologram and for the next seven years this imaginary man is a member of the crew. The Doctor is a great character, and he's responsible for some of the most charming and funny moments on the show. But he's a freakin' computer program! I'd let him examine my detached toenail, but not much else.

Doctor Phlox:
"On Earth, there is a cautionary tale about the dangers of releasing a magical creature called a genie from a bottle. Once it's out, it's extremely difficult to put back in." -- Phlox (The Forgotten)

There are two running gags during the first two (tedious) seasons of Enterprise:
1. Phlox has three wives and each of his three wives have three husbands, AND
2. his medical cures often require the bodily fluids or excretions of animals from other planets.
Despite this shtick he's a good character: competent, unflappable, magnanimous and principled. I'd turn to him for advice and guidance, but I'd have a problem submitting to his treatments. I'd need a lot of  Nyquil  synthehol beforehand.

• • • • • 

Who's your favourite Star Trek doctor?


  1. I like the Doctor. I know Phlox is competent and all, but he still kinda gives me the heebie jeebies. I also dig Katherine Pulaski, though I'd be a little scared of her.

  2. McCoy is not only my favorite doctor, he's my favorite character. I'd get drunk with that man so fast.

  3. Full disclosure - I only faithfully watched original Trek and TNG. Although I saw several random episodes of the others.

    I like a no-nonsense doctor who I would trust with any emergency, so I'm Team McCoy all the way. I read somewhere that Pulaski was supposed to be a kind of female McCoy - a crusty, unsympathetic foil for the Captain - but that fan reaction wasn't positive so they brought back the Beverley Crusher character for season 3.

  4. I'm in a sort of similar situation - I feel like crap but not quite enough to even say I'm sick with anything in particular. I'd get drunk with McCoy, but I don't think I'd want to go to any of them - my doctor is the only one who gets me, and yet doesn't lock me up. Pulaski was a real bitch. And Phlox - ick.

  5. I...don't know. I like Dr. Sloan from Grey's Anatomy. Oooh, or Dr. Hunt. Something about a guy with post traumatic stress syndrome.

  6. I think I am a Bones gal. I even like the new version of him as portrayed by Karl Urban in the new movie.