Sunday, July 31, 2011

32 People With Whom I Would Choose To Be Stranded In A Chilean Mine For 69 Days.

1. Terry Grant, aka The Mantracker.

2. Ernest Shackleton.

3. Tom Hanks in his role as Jim Lovell from Apollo 13. "All right, we're not doing this, gentlemen, we're not gonna do this. We're not gonna go bouncing off the walls for ten minutes, because we're just gonna end up right back here with the same problems! Try to figure out how to stay alive!"

4. Jennifer Garner. I bet if we met in real life, she and I would be buddies.

5. Richard Castle. Yes, he's fictional, but he's very optimistic. Also he is currently the only titular character on a television show that doesn't suffer from some form of mental illness.

6. Gerard Butler. I think this one is pretty self-explanatory.

7. Will Ferrell. Funny and nice.

8. Richard Hatch. There's always got to be some fat loudmouth tool in every group. Hatch, it is. Plus he's been in jail so he'll be comfortable in confined spaces. And no, I'm not too worried about the naked Hatch-ass. I'll deal.

9. Ian Hanomansing. He is unflappable.

10. Jann Arden. She's funny. She wears hats. She has the voice of an angel.

11. Michelle Obama' mother, Marian Robinson. She was catapulted to international fame after her son-in-law was elected President of the United States and now she lives in the White House helping raise her grandaughters. Her life sounds like the premise for a television sitcom! I bet she's a no nonsense straight shooter.

12. CBC Science commentator Bob McDonald.

13. Julie Payette, Canadian astronaut. I've got a wee crush on her.

14. The guy from the PBS documentary Alone In The Wilderness. Rugged individualism and creative ingenuity -- just what we'll need in our caved in mine.

15. Doctor Oz. I find him very soothing. But I'd like the version of Oz that pre-dates his Oprah-sponsored tv show. I can't stand The Oprah.

16. Nate Berkus. If we're going to be underground for 69 days, I want our caved in mine to at least look aesthetically pleasing.

17. Jamie Oliver, The Naked Chef. I don't care much for his taste in baby names (Buddy Bear!? WTF?), and he's kinda of a goof, but the man can cook.

18. My dentist. Well really, any dentist. I guess the real 33 Chilean miners had some really bad dentition problems. Blergh.

19. Hillary Clinton. She knows how to make things happen.

20. Hugh Jackman. In song and dance mode, not Wolverine mode.

21. Gwyneth Paltrow. If I learned anything from my extensive viewing of Hogan's Heroes, it was that a common enemy (be it Goopy or Colonel Klink) bolsters the morale of the group.

22. Idris Elba. Fiiiiiine.

23. Spock. Not Quinto. Not Nimoy. Spock.

24. Florencio Avalos, aka the first guy lifted out of the Chilean mine. Firstly he is a fine looking man. Secondly he has practical knowledge of how to survive in a mine for 69 days. I mean there aren't a lot of people with first-hand experience in prolonged subterranean survival. Baby Jessica? Pfft. 58 hours. That's nothing.

25. Dwayne Johnson, The Rock. Just because.

26. Michael Buble. Like family reunions, you must have at least one affable singing drunk in every Chilean mine.

27. Chris Pine:

Okay I don't really care if Pine's stuck in the mine with me, I just wanted an excuse to post these photos.

28. Heidi Klum. Doesn't she seem like a hoot?

29. Jessica Fletcher. You never know when you'll need an amateur sleuth on your team.

30. Grant Imahara. The least annoying member of Mythbusters. Plus he's an electrical engineer and specializes in robotics.

31. Michaëllle Jean. Recently unemployed Governor General. Eater of seal heart.

32. Jeff Probst. He can stand next to the shuttle contraption and as each person takes a turn escaping to the surface, he will say, "The tribe has spoken. It's time for you to go."

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Once a Prairie Boy, Always A Prairie Boy.

"I'm ready to go home," Mr Wrath said today. "It's been a good vacation, but I feel like I've aged 40 years since we arrived."

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Vacation update.

Mr Wrath doesn't feel like he's truly on vacation until he's gone for a spin on a motorbike. Preferably while wearing freshly pressed slacks.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Thar Be Whales.

We went out on a whale watching excursion. It was wonderful. Though I think we were a smidge over dressed.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

"But at home you love my pre-dinner harmonica serenade. Why don't you like it now?" said Mr Wrath seconds after I lobbed a lobster pot at his head.

Other than this minor blip, we're having a grand time.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

We're in Newfoundland on our vacation. So far things are going well, although we've had some issues with our rental car:

"It was described as a sub-compact. How was I suppose to know that was Newfoundland-ese for hot rod racer?" said Mr Wrath. He posed for this photo before returning the keys to Budget and upgrading to a Kia Sedona.

Friday, July 15, 2011


As of today we're off on a much-needed vacation to Newfoundland. Mr Wrath, in particular, really needs a break. His job has been really taxing in the past few months. Lady Gaga is just going to have to find another back up dancer until we return.

I'll be posting photos periodically just to keep you up to date on all our adventures.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

WWMBD: What Would Myers-Briggs Do?

Over on Google+, people have been discussing their Myers-Briggs temperaments. I am an ENTJ. Just the other day I did an online test and these were my results:

I'm not sure what all this means. Does the first component show that only 22% of my personality will enjoy conversing with someone if they are nattering on about their feelings? If yes, then this test is very accurate. Does the last part mean I'm judgmental 44% of the time? Because that doesn't seem like a big enough number. For instance if people want me to talk about their feelings or my feelings, I totally judge them as bonkers 100% of the time. 

According to wikipedia, I am also a fieldmarshal. A fieldmarshal. Like Rommel, but not a Nazi.

I was excited to learn that I have lots of stuff in common with Margaret Thatcher. That made me very happy. I was even more happy -- nay, down right gob smacked -- to learn that she's not dead. NOT DEAD. NOT EVEN A LITTLE. Yeah, for Margaret Thatcher! Other famous people who are ENTJs: Hillary Rodham Clinton. Bill Gates. Golda Meir. Edward Teller. FYI, Edward Teller was "the father of the hydrogen bomb" and is NOT the quiet member of Penn and Teller comedy-magic act. What a shame.

Other things I've learned: ENTJs are very rare. We comprise just 2% of the general populace. ENTJs also comprise 100% of the people who go on to lead doomsday cults.

Here's a list of typical ENTJ traits:

thrill seeker,
self centered,
comfortable around others,
image conscious,
likes to be center of attention,
emotionally stable,
hard working,
hates to be bored,
prepares for worst case scenarios,
finishes most things they start,
risk taker,
desires fame/acclaim,
image focused,
avoids giving in to others,
does not like to compromise,
skeptical, and
hates pie.
Alright. I made that last one up. Also I deleted 'narcissistic' from the list because it seemed a bit judgmental, even by my standards. And incorrect. But otherwise it's a pretty accurate list. Though I'm interpreting 'clean' as 'showers daily' and NOT 'likes things antiseptically pristine and puts objects at right angles and does the dishes promptly.'

As for Mr Wrath he's an ISTP/crafter. Heheheh. A crafter. Fieldmarshal kicks crafter ass every single day. Metaphorically-speaking, of course.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Leaving On A Jet Plane.

Next week the Clan of Wrath is going on vacation for two weeks. We'll be flying to Newfoundland, and spending the first week in St John's with my extended family. Then we're renting an RV and driving to a family reunion on the small island where my father was raised. My husband is a saint for agreeing to this trip.
I have already started packing. So far this has involved hemming a pair of jeans and sewing a new bed for the dog to use at the kennel. I've placed a big cardboard box in the guest room to use as a catchall for things that we need to bring. At present it contains an empty cooler (that I use as my toiletry bag), fly dope, sunscreen, our swimsuits and sunshirts, my new hat, my pajamas, the boys' new sandals, and a Transformers toy. The latter item was contributed by Klaxon.

The truth is, I'm having a hard time packing. In December we went to Mexico and for the first time ever, I felt we under packed for a trip. Also on the return trip we were charged $50 by the airline because one of our suitcases was over the weight allowance. Now for a normal person this would be a minor matter. Not for me. I'm an ENTJ/Fieldmarshal. I need to analyze problems AND ensure that we do not repeat these mistakes. I don't want to be washing underwear and socks in the sink and then using an iron to dry them out. Hence I need to rethink my notions of what we should bring with us. At the same time we must reconfigure our luggage so that we can easily re-allocate items and ensure we aren't over the weight limits.

The boys are easy to pack: 6 pairs of pants, 2 pairs of shorts, 4 t-shirts, 4 long-sleeve shirts, pajamas, 2 sweaters, polar fleece vest, raincoat and puddle pants, baseball cap, sneakers, sandals, 8 pairs of underwear, 8 pairs of socks, swimsuits.

Mr Wrath will do his own packing. He'll probably bring five pairs of underwear, five pairs of socks, two pairs of pants, a swimsuit, five shirts, one sweater, a hat, sneakers, hiking boots, and a raincoat. He will pack 8 minutes before we leave the house.

I'm definitely the high maintenance packer in the family. Right now I'm focused upon pants. How many pairs of "bottoms" should I bring for a fourteen day trip? We'll be camping (but in an RV, which I don't really think is REAL camping) for seven nights. We'll be hiking, whale watching, seal hunting, berry picking and many other outdoor activities in close proximity to water. We'll also we eating out in restaurants (probably not very fancy ones, mind you) and there will be family dinners to attend. I won't need anything fancy (hence no skirts, which are also not dual function enough to warrant inclusion) but I do want to look respectable. For the first week, we have access to a washer and dryer.

At present I'm thinking of bringing a pair of army green knee length capris, two pairs of slacks trousers, one pair of jeans. I wish I had a decent looking pair of synthetic yoga-style pants to pack. They dry so much quicker than cotton. I could pick up a pair of these in St. John's since I haven't been able to find a pair that I like even though I've been looking for months. Is five pairs too many? Usually on trips I only pack one pair of pants, and then wear the other. But this is Newfoundland and the weather tends to be cool and chilly even in July.

I'm packing pajamas, a rain coat, my polar fleece vest, and a polar fleece jacket. I'll have sandals and hiking style running shoes.  I'm thinking four t-shirts, and four long-sleeve shirts. Plus 8 pairs of socks of various weights, 3 bras of various support-levels, and 8 pairs of underwear (one for every day of the first week, plus an extra in case I get thrown into a pool while fully clothed).

So what do you think? Four pants? Five pants? Two pants? Should I bring a blouse, or will t-shirts be okay? I think we'll need toques, Mr Wrath disagrees -- what are your thoughts?

Friday, July 8, 2011

The Royal Icing On the Royal Tour.

Today was the last day of Will and Kate's William and Catherine's, the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's cross Canada tour. This will -- I hope -- be the last post about royalty for the foreseeable future. In honour of this moratorium,  I will post some spectacularly ugly "art" inspired by Will and Kate:

Did Mohamed Al-Fayed commission this horror? I think yes.

Here's one last photo of Will and Kate in Calgary:

At the moment this photo was taken Will was remarking to Prime Minister Stephen Harper, "Christ. In England people get their knickers in a knot when my Granny goes on a fox hunt, but over here you give ribbons to young children for riding sheep. It's so wrong."

Meanwhile Kate's only thought is, "I fucking hate this fucking white fucking big fucking hat. Bastards. Can't believe I have to fucking wear it." No. Wait. That's not what Kate's thinking. That's what I would be thinking if I was expected to wear a very large white cowboy hat. I love hats, and I love big brimmed cowboy hats but I wouldn't wear one of these white hats. But the Royal couple were good sports and permitted the people of Calgary to make them look foolish.

LOOK! Laureen Harper is wearing an ensemble that I can't mock. It's nice enough and her hat isn't white. Good for her. Now if only she'd stop bringing that roly-poly fellow as her date everywhere, I'd be happy.

Did you see the little girl who greeted Will and Kate at the airport in Calgary? Her participation was arranged by the Make A Wish foundation because she has cancer and...okay I'm not going to recap her story. I just can't. Even the thought of it makes me teary-eyed. Go and read this article, but make sure you have tissues close at hand.

Lots of tissues.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Walt Disney is a Big Fat Liar.

After watching the coverage of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge's tour of Canada, I've decided that being a princess is a pretty sucky job. The life of the Duchess of Cambridge (aka Kate Middleton) bears little resemblance to the life of a Disney princess. Is it possible that Disney Princess movies and toys are not based on reality? Where are the tiny birds to weave flowers into Kate's lovely locks?  Shouldn't there be more handmaidens to do her bidding? Can't Kate order the beheading of any member of the media who criticizes her figure, her outfits, her hair? What happened to flouncing about the castle all day wearing ball gowns and sexually harassing the handsome houseboys and equerries?

Kate Middleton is a trooper. Which do you think hurts more: Kate's cheeks from all the smiling, or Kate's feet from all the walkabouts while wearing high-heels? Just watching the recap of events on the evening news makes me tired. I can't imagine how exhausted she (and Will, but of course Will isn't doing this tour while walking around in high heels and stockings so I think he's getting off easier) feels right about now. Their days are packed with walkabouts, speeches, plays, lobster boils, dragon boat racing, helicopter flying, street hockey games, canoeing, bannock eating, AND laughing uproariously after being addressed as the "Douche and Duchess of Cambridge." So much for a life of royal leisure.

I wouldn't blame her if she broke down in tears yesterday when Will announced he'd arranged a "romantic camping trip" in the Northwest Territories. Did Kate started off her morning with a blood transfusion necessitated by the ravenous hoards of mosquitoes, black flies, and horse flies that feasted on her all night long? You couldn't pay me enough money to go tent-camping in early July in the north.

Not until I started this blog did I realize how much I love the Royal Family. I'm about three minutes away from buying a corgi, tying a doily to my head and driving like a wild woman to Calgary for their final appearance. I'm just so charmed by this couple who will one day (hopefully) be the King and Queen of Canada. In particular I love this photo (taken yesterday during their time in Yellowknife):

I -- like most Canadians -- am happy that they're enjoying themselves. Despite the bugs.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

"Is the Pope Mobile Catholic?"

On Saturday we went to The Big City. Amongst our stops was a viewing of Cars 2 and shopping at Costco. I witnessed only slightly more tantrums at the movie than at Costco. Costco is a hub of grumpiness. Are these people grumpy regardless of where they shop, or are they perfectly pleasant until they step into the store? Attention people who hate Costco: DO NOT GO TO COSTCO. A good deal on a wheel of cheese as big as your head, is not WORTH LOOKING LIKE A SULKY BABY IN PUBLIC!

I like Costco. That's not to say it's a perfect shopping experience. I won't buy pants because they don't have change rooms.The bottleneck at the tills is always annoying. It's frustrating that things are never in the same aisle twice. There is always some woman having a weirdly intense and slightly inappropriate cellphone conversation in the book section. On Saturday, a woman thumbed through cookbooks while offering her friend Oprah-worthy platitudes in a too loud voice. "No, you are different now. You have changed. You have grown. For. The. Better." But I put up with these minor annoyances because I like their fresh produce, cheap DVDs, and wheels of cheese the size of my head.

As for Cars 2, the boys loved it.  I liked it, which is saying something since I'm not in general a fan of Pixar parables. I'm sure there are lazy parents out there who think it's great to outsource the teaching of principles and values to a multinational corporations. However, I'm more than comfortable doing that myself. I wish Pixar would ease up on the moralistic themes, especially when they sacrifice entertainment value and plot points in order to soft-sell their corporation's politically-correct, pro-nostalgia agenda. I don't think it was a good as Blu, but it didn't suck nearly as long or as hard as Wall-E or Toy Story 3.

At nine and seven, my boys were some of the older kids in the audience, but were the perfect age to appreciate the rather complicated plot. Another benefit of their age, was that we did not have to leave the theatre for multiple bathroom stops, unlike most other patrons. The volume was LOUD, which was okay since Zarf and I were coughing quite a bit. This also helped drown out the sound of screaming children and parents (myself included) reading the subtitles to their kids.

To wrap up this rather-soggy Canada Day long weekend, we went paddling today with another family. It makes me feel very Canadian whenever we canoe, and today even more so.

And speaking of wrapping things up ... I'm off to bed.

Friday, July 1, 2011


Did you see (my close personal friend, and one-time guest blogger) Laureen Harper on Thursday when Will and Kate arrived in Canada for their Royal tour? Here are two photos:

This is not great, right?

Personally I don't care for thematic clothes, and the tendency of Canadian female politicians to wear red and white ensembles on and around Canada Day is very cheesy.  But when I first saw these pictures I was focused on her shoes. "Did Laureen invent a time machine, travel back to the late 80s and steal these from the wardrobe mistress of 227 who was planning on having Jackée Harry wear these on the Christmas extravaganza episode where Marla Gibbs and Jackée share an emotional scene on the stoop that culminates in one of them asking, Did you ever notice that we live on the set of Sesame Street?"

But it turns out that while I think these shoes are ugly and dated, they're actually new and were designed for the event by this dude. So here's the question, are these shoes ugly or am I completely out of touch with fashion trends?

I do think that Laureen should get partial points for her outfit, considering the spectacularly ugly ensemble worn to the same event by Governor General David Johnston's wife (in the purple):

Good job, Laureen, for avoiding the pitfalls of asymmetrical ruching, sloppy, raw hems, bows and necklaces made out of curtain ties. I'm not even going to comment on the white belt, or the goofy guy you brought as your date.