After a few days of not blogging I struggle with inspiration for a new post. "I've been gone for more than a week, I should have something really juicy/interesting/personal/funny to share with the six people who read my blog -- but WHAT?" I pondered yesterday. Quite frankly, I've nothing of substance to write. Instead I'll just begin with...
Blue Ivy Carter is a dull, but not overly horrible name.
If this were 2007 I could probably churn out a few hundred words about the awfulness of the name given to Beyonce and Jay-Z's progeny. Alas years of watching celebrities give their children stupid names (Zuma, Clover, Apple, Buddy Bear, Kal-El, Jermajesty, Banjo, Princess Tiaamii, and so on) have taken their toll. In 2012 the bar for shitastic names has been set very low and Blue Ivy easily passes. Quite frankly, I was hoping the baby would be named Credenza, or something equally random.
A while back someone alleged I was a "mean girl" for -- amongst other supposed offences -- mocking baby names. I dismiss this out of hand. Firstly, I hate the phrase "mean girl." Girls who psychologically or physically hurt other girls are bullies even if our culture feels safer assigning a cute label to their viciousness. Furthermore "mean girl" is now applied to any female who stands up for herself, a behaviour that even today is seen as unbecoming to a woman. I wish this sexist phrase would fall from favour.
Secondly, I'm not making fun of the babies, but rather their parents. Parents who pick outlandish names (ie Bear Blu) want attention. In courting public validation for their cleverness, they risk censure.
Thirdly, show me a baby and I will coo over their little fingers and their tiny toes no matter how bad the name given to them by their misguided parents. It's hypocritical, but I do not publicly ridicule the baby names chosen by real life friends (and I extend this label to my fellow bloggers), just celebrities who are strangers to me. Also non-celebrities generally know it's a bad idea to give a human being a career limiting name (ie Sparrow) and so there is less material for me to work with.
My final justification for mocking baby names, is that names are really subjective. I'm sure there are people who think my sons' names (one is an ethnic, vowel-rich name that is hard for English-speakers to pronounce, and the other is an uber-Bible name that we chose despite not being Christians) are awful. But I'm not a fragile flower who needs her opinions and tastes affirmed by strangers and I can't abide by people who are otherwise.
Next up in the What Will They Name The Baby sweepstakes: Jennifer Garner and Jessica Simpson. Do you think one of them will use Credenza? What about Ottoman?