Monday, February 27, 2012

And the Award Goes to...

Does anyone else watch the Oscars (or in my case, look at photos the day after the Oscars) and try to decide what dress they'd wear?

If I had the body -- and more importantly the posture -- I'd wear this:

But if I was going to the Oscars with my current body, I'd choose a simplified version of this:

I like the colour. I like the jacket. But I don't care for the detailing on the bodice, and the train is fussy.

It is kind of ridiculous for me -- who is typing this while wearing faded jeans, a t-shirt, a bathrobe and Birkenstocks -- to criticize anyone's fashion choices. But hey -- it's my blog, so what the hell.

Cameron Diaz was one of several women who fell victim to a case of VBF (Visible Back Fat) syndrome at the Oscars. I have great sympathy for women who suffer from bouts of VBF because I have been there. We have ALL been there. VBF doesn't care if you are toned and tight like Ms Diaz. It doesn't care about your age. It only cares about the fact that the person who designed or altered your dress is a moron who shouldn't be allowed near a needle and thread or a bolt of fabric until they learn basic anatomy, ie WOMEN HAVE BOOBS! THIS DRESS NEEDS TO BE BIGGER IN THE CHEST EVEN IF IT FUCKS WITH THE "PERFECT LINES" OF YOUR DESIGN!

What the hell is going on with the bodice of Michelle Williams' dress? Why is it nude on the back?

Maybe Gwyneth should have loaned her that cape.

According to a fashion site I read, Missi Pyle's dress sports an "assymetrical upper arm drape." To me this looks like the formal-wear version of your bra strap falling down.

I love the colour, though. Pyle's dress was also made using "cruelty-free silkworms" -- WHOA. Now there are larva-rights activists? Give me a break.

Is Colin Firth poor? He's successful, doesn't that mean he's rich? Then why did his wife have to wear an old bridesmaids' dress from the 70s? Also I'm afraid that Livia might take out an eye with her crumb catcher:

She's so beautiful, but I don't think she'd be able to carry off an eye patch.

I love the dress Lily Collins wore to the Vanity Fair party:

She looks beautiful. And classy.

What was up with Angelina and the leg pose? She was working that leg. I assume it was a spare one that Paul McCartney had lying around the house after Heather Mills left and he let Jolie borrow it for the evening.