Friday, August 10, 2012

Olympic Fever.

I'm never leaving my house again.

I say/think/write this every time we return from a trip, and it holds true for about a week. Then I forget about the chaos and the exhaustion and start planning another trip. I'm a slow learner, and a failed shut-in. But we've only just gotten home from a road trip so I'm still in my nesting/cocooning phase. Please note that I did not say we were "on vacation." This is because my husband objects to using the phrase to describe trips to see family members. These are "visits" or "trips" or "exhausting four-day long car rides to attend huge family reunions," but they are not leisurely or restorative adventures. Hence they are not "vacations."

In addition to sitting in the car eating snacks, and listening to audiobooks, I have also been watching a lot of Olympic coverage. Here now are...

10 Things I Want To Get Off My Chest. The Olympic Version:

1. A gold medal should be awarded to any fashion designer who creates an Opening Ceremony uniform that doesn't make the athletes look like flight attendants or realtors. Automatic disqualification for abusing head gear.

2. I really like Usain Bolt. Granted he's a cocky bastard, but he's a cocky bastard who put Carl Lewis in his place. Christ. I can't stand Carl Lewis.

3. My 8 year old thinks that rhythmic dance gymnastics would be improved if the women used bludgers. I agree.

4. Sports that are not open to both men and women are a joke. Yes, synchronized swimming and rhythmic gymnastics, I'm looking at you.

5. I have no issue with the regulation bikinis worn by beach volleyball players. They're wearing as little as most track and field athletes AND they're not wearing garish makeup and sequins. Yes, synchronized swimmers and rhythmic gymnasts, I'm still looking at you.

6. I propose that in 2016 the equestrian events be altered so that humans run alongside the horses and do all their own running and jumping. I just don't see how the current system is fair considering the animals do all the work, but their passengers get all the glory.

7. Did you see the Canada women's soccer team react to some questionable refereeing during their match with the USA? Damn. They were pissed off. And it was totally justified and utterly awesome -- I love when gender and national stereotypes are proven false.  Do not mess with Sinclair.

8. "His arms are going to pop out of their sockets!" I think every time I watch weightlifting. Needless to say, I seldom watch weightlifting.

9. Adam van Koeverden is ridiculously handsome.

10. Pulling coloured balls out of a sac seems like a questionable way to resolve a tie match. To that end, I just can't get excited about Carol Huynh's bronze medal in wrestling, even though I know she could snap me half.


  1. I like the Bludger idea, and the games were in London...

    Yeah, the um, uh rhythmic gymnastics...outfits...costumes...uniforms...whatever, looked a little too BDSM for me. But bonus points for making me think to use "rhythmic" as a Scrabble word.

  2. Synchronized swimming freaks me out, big time. Also, how did you not include the bronze medal winner rower boner in this?? Or maybe that's just so infamous only Americans are paying interest.... We Americans, we care about our athletes plausible erections.