Monday, October 29, 2012

The Lasso of Truth and the Sears Product Review of Awesomeness.

I received a devastating blow to my ego yesterday. rejected a product review I submitted. If my writing isn't good enough for Sears I don't think I can muster the strength to continue living. Well, unless starts streaming the Doctor Who reboot -- in which case, I will be too happy to entertain such dark thoughts.

Here's the email Sears sent:
Subject: Your Review has been Rejected 
Hi NanAmazonianPrincess, 
Thank you for submitting your review to We unfortunately could not publish your review on our site because it did not meet our posted submission guidelines. Please review the reasons below:

There are no reasons listed below. I take no small bit of pride that whoever rejected my review sucks at formatting and proofreading their own emails. HAHAHA!  I did click on the link to the submission guidelines, which are:
Your review should take into consideration: 
• What you find remarkable or unremarkable about the product and, more importantly, the reasons for your opinions.
• How the product functions, the experience you had with the product, the relevant advantages and disadvantages of the product.
Your review should not include:
• Cursing, vulgarity, or any foul language.
• Comments on or criticism of other customer reviews.
• Explicit mention of a competitor or that competitor's prices.
• Email addresses, home addresses, phone numbers, or URLs.
• Single-word reviews (once again, we would like to see your reasons why).

I think the real reason Sears cruelly rejected my review for iHip™ Wonder Woman Earbuds is because Sears hates whimsy. Because this is a solid review:
Title: Looks Aren't Everything. 
I'm a Wonder Woman fan and bought these strictly for the chance to have something branded with the face of my favourite Amazon Princess. Alas they're uncomfortable to wear as the silicon ear piece is very thin. The sound quality is fair. I'm still using them, but when they die (earbuds seldom last longer than 6 months for me) I'll be buying a less awesome looking, more comfortable pair.
What's wrong with that, Sears?


  1. THOSE LOOK SO COOL! I think there is nothing at all wrong with your review, and Sears must not either since they had no reason given. So therefore the reason must be "capricious" or "arbitrary".

    1. I love that you used the word capricious! And yes. Capricious. Arbitrary. Mean, even.

  2. I see absolutely nothing wrong with your witty, well-written review. They should've given you a reason, they can't just leave it blank! Reply that you are a rejecting their rejection based on the fact that it was incomplete and poorly written!

    1. "you are a rejecting their rejection" -- this made me laugh.

  3. I've got it!!! It's because you used the word "amazon". Their spam-bots think you're talking about their competitor!

    :::feeling clever and smug now:::: But otherwise, your review was great! I will avoid buying those headphones.

    1. DING! DING! DING!!!! I think we have a winner! You're a genius @planetnomad!

  4. I... I might need those, uncomfortable earbud covers and all.