Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Bacon Porn. I'm Over It.

For the last few months I've been waiting for the trend toward baconizing every product, and waxing poetic about bacon, to wane.  As of now, I'm officially over bacon. Because this is just gross:

Sunday, July 22, 2012

I'm not rich enough to give my kids dumb ass names.

It's been a while since I've posted about atrociously named babies born to celebrities. "Is this because celebrities have gotten better at naming their children?" you may be wondering. Noooo. Quite the opposite, as proven by this installment of...

Further Proof that Fame and Money Can Not Buy Common Sense or Good Taste: the Baby Name Edition:

Penelope Scotland Disick

Obviously in this instance I'm using "celebrity" in it's widest sense, the sense that includes the sub-category of "talentless famewhores from reality television shows." I'm impressed that Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick picked such a lovely, normal name. My happiness is only slightly diminished by their choice of middle name. I guess the father really, REALLY wanted to get his name in there. I should just be happy that they didn't spell it Scottlynde.

Keeva Jane Denisof

"Mmmm. I just love sprinkling some freeze-dried Keeva -- an all-natural, artificial sweetener made from the chemically preserved tears of vegans -- on top of my morning cup of muesli" is what springs to mind when I hear the "name" given to Alyson Hannigan and Alexis Denisof's second daughter. You can see the whole family in these *cough** completely staged for the press **cough* candid photos.

 Marlowe Ottoline Layng Miller-Sturridge 

This is the rumoured name of the baby recently born to Sienna Miller and Tom Sturridge. Marlowe is a great name. For a hard-boiled detective in a Raymond Chandler mystery novel. Otherwise it is awful.

 I'm much more enamoured of the chosen middle name. For me, Ottoline always brings to mind an "autoclave" and the book character created by Chris Riddell. I really hope that Tom Sturridge doesn't go shagging the nanny (in manner of Sienna' former claim to fame fiance Jude Law) but sticks around long enough to inseminate Sienna with another baby they name Mr Munroe.

 I'm still holding out hope that the child's name is actually spelled correctly. Marlo is the superior option.

Sonny Lee

Normally I'd be inclined to chastise a parent who gave their child such an insubstantial name. However considering Sonny's siblings are a girl named Casper and a boy named Pilot Inspektor, I'm just going to let it slide and instead ask women to stop reproducing with Jason Lee.  PLEASE STOP HAVING THE SEX WITH THIS MAN! For one thing he's a Scientologist and for another thing he's got to be crazy if he's a Scientologist. Furthermore he sucks at naming children.

Maxwell Drew Johnson

This girl was recently born to Jessica Simpson and some guy who agreed to impregnate her so she would "win" by having a child before her Nick Lachey's wife gave birth. C'mon -- you know that's what this is really about. Maxwell is just one of many tragic things this child will have to deal with in life, starting with a mother who hasn't realized the girl will be called "Maxi Pad" from the moment she starts junior high.

Emet Kuli Hershkovitz

Are these really names? I desperately want these to be legitimate names with an ethnic background or religious connection that I'm simply not aware of. It would be of great comfort to know that when she named her son, Lisa Loeb didn't just mess with the spelling of Emmett and use a noun with racial overtones.

Isabetta Rose Mariano

When I look at this name I hear the voice of Jar Jar Binks saying "Isa betta this is not a real name. Messa thinkin' it little bitty axadente, huh?" She's the third child for game show winners Rob and Amber Mariano.

Adalaide Marie Hope Kelley

Dear Josh Kelley and Katherine Heigl,
Good job: two out of the three names you gave your daughter are spelled correctly.
Every Spellcheck Program Your Daughter Will Ever Use In Her Lifetime.

Mabel Ray Willis

This is a lovely name! I have no issue with it, plus it shows Demi Moore was to blame for her daughters with Bruce Willis being called Tallulah, Scout and Rumer.

Maple Sylvie Bateman

On behalf of Canadians, let me clarify that Maple is not a name in Canada. Nor is it a homage to our nation. In Canada -- and everywhere else -- the name Maple is a punchline. I'm very disappointed in Jason Bateman.

Astala Dylan Willow Geldof-Cohen

Bob Geldof thinks his grandson has a horrible name. And when a man who named his own children Peaches Honeyblossom, Fifi Trixibelle, and Little Pixie doesn't like a name, you know it's truly awful.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Chill out.

Inspired by a comment made yesterday by Melanie on my I-hate-the-heat post, I sought out images of cold snowy winter days.

I really do love winter clothes.

Scarves are sexyyyyyyyy!

Same for toques.

Danger! Snow! Speed! Tobogganing!

Hugh Jackman wants to have a snowball fight with you. Then he'll take you home:

He'll make you cocoa and cookies and cuddle with you while you read a good book:

Looking at these photos gave me some valuable perspective. That it is raining didn't hurt either. But it does make me appreciate that very soon I will be romanticizing summer. 

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

I'm melting! Melting! Oh, what a world! What a world!

This is the weather forecast for tomorrow:
(The 70% refers to the 'probability of precipitation')

I'm beyond happy. For the last ten days we've had temperatures in the upper 20s. Which is much too heat for much too long. Not that we haven't found interesting ways to stay cool.

We've gone swimming at the lake:

Mr Wrath set up the camp stove in the backyard and then employed a small helper to make us dinner:

We've tootled about the lake in a catamaran styled raft:

And I've taken shelter under a very large parasol:

Like a lady.

Just the same, I'll be thrilled if the rains come tomorrow. 

But even if it doesn't rain, I'll keep reminding myself that in less than 60 days I'll be wearing a polar fleece sweater and scrapping frost off the car windows. It will be delicious. 

Sunday, July 15, 2012

The New Adventures of Hallux, the Toe of Doom.

This post contains 
graphic photos of my toe. 
If you have a weak stomach, 
consider yourself warned.

In June 2011, whilst making a bunk bed, I partially detached the big toenail on my right foot. In mid August, it came off completely and I came face-to-face with this new troll toe:

In January 2012, it looked like this:

And on the one year anniversary it looked like this:

For the benefit of all new members of the Wrath of Mom's Traumatically Injured Toenail Support Group I will recap my experience and offer advice:

• Go to a doctor. If not immediately after the injury occurs, then anytime you feel excessive pain, swelling or heat emanating from the damaged toe.

 • This was the the third time I've lost a toenail and the second time on that particular toe. The first time was 20 years ago and the nail grew back perfectly normal. Is my troll toe the result of this being a repeat injury or was the trauma more serious this time? I don't know, but I would recommend trying to keep the damaged toenail in situ until the new nail is fully grown. Previous times my damaged nails stuck around till the new one regrew underneath and it was a lot easier.

 • Soak the toe daily in warm water with epsom salts or Dettol daily for the first month. Then soak it for 20 minutes anytime it feels tender or is red.

 • In the photo from August there's a yellow film at the top of the new nail. That "membrane" was very sensitive and touching it sent shivers down my spine. Once a breeze wafted over my foot and I gasped out loud. Eventually the membrane shrivelled up and I was able to wear socks. That was a good day.

 • As noted earlier when I damaged my toenails previously the damaged nails stayed in place until the new nails re-grew. Because this didn't happen this time I teased and pried up the lip of the new nail so that it grew up and over the skin on the toe bed and didn't become ingrown. This didn't hurt but it felt uncomfortable and I dreaded it. A nice vodka tonic beforehand always helped. Another one afterward didn't hurt.

 • At present the nail is normal length. But the top section is three times as thick as a healthy toenail. It has an uneven top surface and is soft and yellow. I attribute this to the damage I did when prying up the nail to keep it from growing into my nail bed. The more recent growth is completely normal and not discoloured.

 • Remember that you get what you pay for. So take this FREE advice from a COMPLETE STRANGER whose only medical expertise comes from watching House and screaming "It's not lupus! It's NEVER lupus! DON'T YOU REMEMBER LAST WEEK WHEN IT ALSO WAS NOT LUPUS?!" with a huge grain of salt.

And then go see a doctor.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Warp Speed Wednesday: Voyage aux étoiles avec liberté, égalité, et fraternité.

In the great tradition of my posts from St Patrick's Day and Canada Day, I am marking Bastille Day (on July 14) by posting a partial list of Star Trek references relating to France, French culture and history and Francophones:

Captain Jean-Luc Picard grew up near La Barre in northeastern France where his family operated a vineyard. Sure he has a British accent, and drink lots of tea, but his name is French AND he speaks French.  Also he's very sexy and that is a very French quality:

In the opening sequence of Star Trek: Generations a bottle of Dom Perignon champagne is seen floating through space. It smashes against the hull as part of the christening ceremony for the newly constructed Enterprise-B.

Victor Hugo's "Les Miserables" is a favourite of the quisling Michael Eddington. Sisko captures Eddington after realizing that Eddington pictures himself as Jean Valjean, and Sisko is his Inspector Javert (DS9: For the Uniform).

Tom Paris is a crew member on Voyager. He doesn't appear to speak French or acknowledge French ancestry. I'm including him on the list largely because I find this photo charming:

[Side note: I am always amused when Canadian trekkies speak of Star Trek: Voyager since we favour the voyageur pronunciation.]

Captain Picard visits a holodeck recreation of a Parisian cafe where he stood up Janice Manheim (TNG: We'll Always Have Paris). The Eiffel Tower is seen in the distance:

New Paris is the name of a Federation colony (TOS: The Galileo Seven).

Rene Auberjonis portrayed Odo on Deep Space Nine and is descended from a man who married Napoleon's sister and was a field marshal in the Emperor's army.

Speaking of French field marshals, here's Q looking very dapper in one of their uniforms (TNG: Hide & Q):

Picard and three children sing Frère Jacques while climbing an elevator shaft (TNG: Disaster).

Voyager's holographic doctor contemplated adopting the name Doctor Albert Schweitzer, in honour of the theologian, philosopher, physician and Noble Prize winner (VOY Heroes and Demons). Schweitzer was born in Alsace-Lorraine in 1875 when the area was under control of the Germans (it has since reverted to French protection). He died while working in the former French colony of Gabon.

On the first season of Voyager, Tom Paris creates a holodeck program set in the a bar called Chez Sandrine.

The bar is the backdrop for several episodes. It features prominently when Voyager is captured by a bloodthirsty species who manipulate the crew into playing a violent reenactment of the French Resistance (VOY: The Killing Game).

Sisko's Creole Kitchen is the Louisiana-based restaurant owned by family of Benjamin Sisko, Deep Space Nine's commanding officer. The series is littered with references to Creole dishes, ie shrimp remoulade, jambalaya, crawfish etouffee.

USS Pasteur is a hospital ship commanded by Doctor Crusher and named for French microbiologist Louis Pasteur (TNG: All Good Things).

Chateaubriand is served at Vic Fontaine's club on Deep Space 9 (DS9: His Way)

Transported to 1893, Data explains his odd mannerisms and inappropriate dress by telling people he is a Frenchman (TNG: Time's Arrow).

"Auprès de ma Blonde" is a 17th century French song  Jean-Luc Picard and his brother Robert sing  whilst liquored up on fine French wine (TNG: Family).

Star Trek: Insurrection features a shuttlecraft named for the French explorer, Speedo-fan Jacques Cousteau.

Upon learning that one of the Enterprise crew has the surname DeSalle, the trickster Trelane says "Vive la gloire. Vive Napoleon. You know, I admire your Napoleon very much." (TOS: The Squire of Gothos).

William Shatner (aka Captain Kirk) was born in the former French colony of Quebec, and is bilingual.

I will conclude this post by posting a clip of the recently revamped French national anthem. Let's stand and sing together:

Joyeux Quatorze Juillet!

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Road Trip!

At the end of June we packed up the kids and the car and went on a little mini-break. For as long as I've known Mr Wrath he's wanted to visit Bella Coola. For as long as I've known Mr Wrath I have resisted the notion because I've heard the "highway" is crazy. 

It is:

This is from a section of the road known as The Hill which leads from the Chilcotin Plateau through the coast mountains to sea level. It's gravel and very steep, but well-maintained. Though I'd have preferred a few more guard rails. Especially at rest stops that most mothers would describe as unrestful:

This was the view from one of the B&Bs we stayed in:

We did some exploring and hiking.

This hike started with a pleasant stroll along a boardwalk but very soon became less civilized and more painful.

We saw some wildlife:

This is taken from the car using the zoom lens. I'm not crazy enough to dawdle when there are bears about. They have big paws, and bigger teeth.

We also encountered a rough-skinned newt. It is the most poisonous amphibian in the Pacific Northwest. We did not know this before we let the kids pick it up.

This was the least deadly creature we saw:

It's a banana slug!

We've been home a week. We're still not completely unpacked.