Tuesday, January 15, 2013

How the Ghost of Steve Jobs Made Me Cry.

For Christmas, Zarf and Klaxon1 each received an iPod nano.  Zarf wanted one so he could listen to audiobooks constantly. Klaxon wanted the freedom to play soundtracks composed by John Williams while drawing.

When I went to charge the iPods on Christmas Day, I realized we needed to upgrade to iTunes 10.7.

To get iTunes 10.7, we needed to upgrade to Mac OS X 10.8.2.

To get to Mac OS X 10.8.2, we needed to download the App Store App.

To get the App Store App, we needed to be running  Mac OS X 10.6.8.

To get Mac OS X 10.6.8, we needed to install Mac OS X 10.6.3.

To get  Mac OS X 10.6.3, we had to buy a disc and have it couriered to us, because it's no longer available for download.

But before we could install Mac OS X 10.6.3, we needed to upgrade the computer's memory.

Meaning that nothing could happen until the local computer store ordered in the memory for our antiquated (translation: bought in 2009) computer and installed it.

Which is why today -- 20 days after opening their stockings -- Zarf and Klaxon finally got to use their iPods. During the entire time, they did not once complain that I -- with  a great deal of help from the greedy assholes at Apple -- made them wait.  I want to acknowledge who deserves the credit for their emotional maturity and compassion: their father. Praise be to god that my temper is not genetic, but simply a personal failing borne of self absorption and a love of instant gratification.

This morning I suggested the boys try making me feel guilty then promise to forgive me if I bought some music off iTunes. They initially declined.

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?! Why are they more mature than ME?!

Ultimately Zarf agreed I could buy him a 39 Clues audiobook. Klaxon picked out the Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets soundtrack.

Merry freakin' Christmas.

• • • • • • • • • •

1 Klaxon and Zarf are aliases. Only a fool would give these "names" to real people. Don' t be a fool: give your children real names that won't limit their career options. 


  1. Aw. They're awesome. If you want to bring your opinion of them down to earth, though, just take them to the grocery store and knock something over again? :)

  2. HOLY SHIT just reading this made me want to put my head through a wall.

    I am super-impressed that your kids haven't been making your life miserable since Christmas.

  3. Super impressed with your sons. Amused by you. ;)

  4. Wow! What great sons you have. I would have been whining after about 20 minutes.

  5. I omitted the last step: I plugged in the iPods and they were already in need of a software update. I had to get up and walk away from the computer for a few minutes.

  6. WOW. That's really, really annoying. Congrats to your kids for being awesome though!

  7. UUUUGGGHHH! This kind of thing is why I'm not in charge of technology in our family. I have no patience with it at all. My husband is probably nervous something like this would cause me to throw out every electronic device we own, cancel the internet, and generally burn us down (technologically speaking). On the other hand, he would rather stab himself in the eye than balance the checkbook, pay bills, and do the taxes, so I figure everyone has their buttons. Technology is mine.

  8. I'm getting really overwhelmed with all of our technology. I LOVE IT, but get a little bogged down with the updates, passwords, and so on and so forth...

  9. Wow. I'm impressed with your boys. I would have been SO annoyed!