The only thing I truly accomplished was watching Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOOK AWAY BECAUSE I'M GOING TO MENTION DETAILS THAT COULD RUIN YOUR ENJOYMENT OF THIS MOVIE.
FOR EXAMPLE, I'M GOING TO WRITE ABOUT THE HEROINE FINDING LOVE AT THE END OF THE FILM.
BUT BEFORE THAT SHE GOES TO ITALY AND EATS ITALIAN FOOD NECESSITATING THE PURCHASE OF SOME FAT LADY PANTS.
ITALIAN FAT LADY PANTS!!!
ALSO SHE DOES SOME PRAYING.
THIS OCCURS IN INDIA AND ALL THE CLOTHES THERE ARE VERY LOOSE FITTING AND FAT LADY PANTS ARE NOT PURCHASED IN THAT COUNTRY.
This film is awful. The only reason I watched it was because netflix reassured me that based upon my viewing history, I would enjoy it. Stupid algorithm LIED to me.
Granted not everything about the movie is bad. For one thing it's really beautiful to look at. The scenery is amazing. Unfortunately too often the vistas are blighted by insufferable, emotionally stunted, self-indulgent people saying stupid stuff that supposedly moves the "plot" along. Thanks be to heaven for the mute button.
When Julia/Liz is in India she meets a guy named Not James Taylor. Well, that's not the character's actual name, but I can't remember the guys name and I'm too lazy to look it up. Steve? Peter? Raul? Anyway -- Julia/Liz does mention that he looks like James Taylor so let's go with that pseudonym. There's a very moving scene where Not James Taylor talks about his personal demons. The most amazing part is that the director focuses upon N.J.T for several long minutes in a tight single shot with no edits AND Julia is not facing the camera. You only see the back of her head and you get to focus entirely on Not James Taylor. Oooh. I bet Julia was pissed at the director when she saw that all her emoting was for naught.
This scene however did not make me like Not James Taylor, who refers to Julia/Liz by the nickname Groceries and is an all around blowhard.
Another good thing: there's a very brief appearance by Sophie Thompson, aka Emma Thompson's sister, aka the second Bride from Four Weddings and A Funeral. That, by the way, is a much better movie than this one.
Now on to things that I did not like about Eat Pray Love.
I was shocked to see that Billy Crudup (aka The Very Dull Husband Who Won't Give Julia/Liz A Divorce Because He Believes in Commitment) has stolen the hair off a Lego Mini Figure:
I also fear that Billy is suffering from chapped lips. Obviously he needs some lip balm, or some gloss:
Furthermore, this film is completely devoid of cynicism or irony. It's so freakin' earnest I wanted to scream. But I did not. Instead I brewed some tea:
Not this tea, which is one of over 400 Eat Pray Love branded items sold upon the movie's release. I just had normal tea and that made me feel better. But not nearly as good as I would feel if I'd made a few million smackers selling merchandise to Eat Pray Love fangirls.
I assume writers and directors of movies starring Julia Roberts actually write "Here Julia will throw back her head and laugh in the manner of a titian-haired donkey like she has done in every single movie since Pretty Woman" into the scripts.
Fear not, she does it several times. Julia/Liz also does yoga. And James Franco.
But in the last 30 minutes of the move she finds "true" "love" with Javier Bardem's emotionally needy and clingy businessman. Like Liz/Julia, he is damaged by divorce and shares her high tolerance for pseudo-spiritual platitudes. I was pissed off that this year long journey of self-discovering ended with the heroine falling back into the same trap that she was supposedly trying to escape. What was the point?
I'm still mad at the Netflix algorithm. And Julia/Liz. I wish there was Eat Pray Love vodka.