Thursday, January 10, 2013

My belief that the Oscars are irrelevant will not deter me from blogging about the nominees.

I have only seen one film nominated for the 2013 Academy Awards. But I'm not going to let that trivial detail keep me from having opinions and predicting the winners about this year's Oscars.

I'll start with the boring categories that no one really cares about because the nominees aren't particularly famous or glamourous.



BEST ANIMATED FEATURE
“Brave” 
“Frankenweenie” 
“ParaNorman” 
“The Pirates! Band of Misfits” 
“Wreck-It Ralph”

Mr Wrath gave me "Brave" for Christmas and it's really fun. It gets my vote. 

BEST SOUND EDITING 
“Argo”
 “Django Unchained” 
“Life of Pi” 
“Skyfall” 
“Zero Dark Thirty”

BEST SOUND MIXING 
“Argo” 
“Les Miserables" 
“Life of Pi” 
“Lincoln” 
“Skyfall"

I will not even pretend to understand how these categories are different or what differentiates good editing/mixing from not-so-good editing/mixing. The actors' lips move in synch to the dialogue is my guess. Or You can hear the water lapping against the raft which is great because there's not a whole lot else going on in this scene. Whatever. 

Canadians are keenly aware of things that are Canadian and like to point out things that have a Canadian connection, even if it's minute or trivial.  This is why I'm predicting that  "Life of Pi" -- based on a novel by Canadian Yann Martel -- will win.

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE
“5 Broken Cameras” 
“The Gatekeepers” 
“How to Survive a Plague” 
“The Invisible War” 
“Searching for Sugar Man”

BEST DOCUMENTARY SHORT
“Inocente” 
“Kings Point” 
“Mondays at Racine” 
“Open Heart” 
“Redemption”

I enjoy documentaries so long as they are not depressing. But I believe that depressing is the key criteria for winning an Oscar in these categories. I have chosen the two films whose names are bleakest.



BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM
“Amour” 
“A Royal Affair” 
“No” 
“Kon-Tiki” 
“War Witch”

Foreign Language Film is Academy code for "Films Where the Actors Don't Speak our Language -- That's so Cute." I'm not a fan of films with subtitles (even when the language is Klingon) so I really don't care about this category, unless it's presented by a very handsome actor, or a woman with a pretty dress I can imagine wearing. For this category I employed my "IT'S A CANADIAN [insert noun here] -- OUR NATION IS AWESOME!" selection method.




BEST COSTUME DESIGN
“Anna Karenina” 
“Les Miserables” 
“Lincoln” 
“Mirror Mirror” 
“Snow White and the Huntsman”

As noted earlier, I have not seen ANY of these movies. But I did my due diligence: I watched all the trailers. Much to my surprise, "Mirror Mirror" looks like it's a pretty fun film and the costumes are beautiful. It appears that Chris Hemsworth keeps his shirt on for all of "Snow White and the Huntsman" -- BAD MOVE ON YOUR PART, COSTUME DESIGNERS! "Lincoln" is all bonnets and uniforms and earth tones. Ho hum. "Les Miserables" -- I dunno...everyone is so...dirty. I'll just go with "Anna Karenina."


BEST PRODUCTION DESIGN 
“Anna Karenina” 
“The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” 
“Les Miserables” 
Life of Pi” 
“Lincoln”

BEST MAKEUP AND HAIRSTYLING
“Hitchcock” 
“The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” 
“Les Miserables”

BEST VISUAL EFFECTS 
“The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” 
“Life of Pi” 
“Marvel's The Avengers” 
“Prometheus” 
“Snow White and the Huntsman”

My children are making me listen to the audiobook of The Hobbit for the second time in less than a month. It's 12 hours of orcs, necromancers, dwarves, Smaugs and I don't know what. I'm trying to tune it all out while I go about with my house-drudgery, but it's seeped into my brain and making me select The Hobbit for these three categories. 

(Side note: the audiobook is really top drawer, and my boys are enthralled, it's just not my cup of tea vodka.)



BEST ANIMATED SHORT 
“Adam and Dog” 
“Fresh Guacamole” 
“Head Over Heels” 
“Maggie Simpson in 'The Longest Daycare'” 
“Paperman”

BEST LIVE ACTION SHORT 
“Asad” 
“Buzkashi Boys" 
“Curfew” 
“Death of a Shadow (Dood van een Schaduw)” 
“Henry”

I'm hungry. I'd love some guacamole right now. Hence my chose in the first category. My selection for the second category is because it's -- you guessed it -- CANADIAN! "Henry" is also Canadian but it's not nearly as much fun to say as "Buzkashi Boys."



BEST CINEMATOGRAPHY
“Anna Karenina" 
“Django Unchained” 
“Life of Pi” 
“Lincoln” 
“Skyfall”

Not until today did I learn that "Django Unchained" is not about the life and times of Django Reinhardt. This is a great disappointment, but does explain why Jamie Foxx is the lead actor. I don't really know good cinematography from bad, so I chose my winner based upon the novelty of their appearance.

That's it for now. I'm tired. We'll get to the categories people care about tomorrow. 

4 comments:

  1. I enjoyed Brave too! My little Buddy was so frightened, he sat in my lap and cried. He did NOT like that the mother was in danger. Which made me very happy, considering how many times a week he shouts that I am mean!

    I'm more of a 'wait till it comes out on DVD' movie watcher, so often have not seen many of the movies when the nominations are made. I am also a 'watch fun movies' kind of movie watcher, so often don't see a majority of nominated movies! I was surprised that Les Mis was not in the sound categories? I did see that, and loved it. I would think it would get a nod for sound.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I was going to say I hadn't seen any of those movies (in fact, I haven't even heard of many of them. They did a movie of Anna Karenina? Really?) But I have! I have seen one! It is...wait for it...wait for it...MIRROR MIRROR. I'm so embarrassed. But I won free tickets and I went with a girlfriend and it was kind of fun.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The original Frankenweenie was all kinds of awesome, so I am rooting for that one, even though I haven't seen this version.

    I am interested in watching Seth McFarlane. He's such a, um, unique person. I am very curious about what he is going to do as host.

    ReplyDelete
  4. The costumes in Mirror Mirror were GORGEOUS. I thought the movie was good fun, but the costumes were head and shoulders above everything else. Life of Pi was also visually stunning and I found myself kind of glad that Skyfall was sold out because I was glad I saw Pi on the big screen.

    ReplyDelete