Sunday, March 31, 2013


When I first started blogging back in 2005 I learned two things:
1. in many places in the world -- even here in North America -- there is no snow at Easter. Even more shocking: people have green grass at Easter.

2. churches host Easter Egg hunts.

I still don't understand why the Easter Bunny gets a free pass by the very same cohort who snipe "Keep Christ in Christmas" and demonize Santa. Truthfully, I don't really care since I'm still up to my eyeballs in snow. I'm mostly just pleased that I don't have to attend church three times this weekend, as was my family's custom in my youth.

Mr Wrath designed an Easter Egg hunt for the boys. It was one part chocolate-palooza, one part science class, one part Amazing Race. To get some of their clues, the boys built a popsicle stick bomb, constructed an electromagnet, blended colours and deciphered words written with invisible ink (lemon juice) on paper.

Our family concluded the day with a meal of pork vindaloo, kichadi, naan and raita. Lindor dark chocolate bunnies were our dessert. We threw open the windows to share the delicious smells with the neighbours.  Which is EXACTLY why Jesus died on the cross.

• • • • • • • •

And with this post, I am done. 31 posts in 31 days.
Thanks everyone for reading and commenting

Saturday, March 30, 2013


Response to the news that Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell named their daughter Lincoln generally fell into 2 camps:
"It's unique. I love it!"


"It's unique. I hate it!"

I don't like it, but I'm not sold on Lincoln's unique-ness.

1. Is it unique to give a child a surname as his/her first name?
Well, there's Munroe Cannon, daughter of Mariah Carey who is named after Marilyn Munroe. Marlowe is the daughter of Sienna Miller. Exton is the son of Robert Downey Junior. Matthew and Camilla named their son Livingston McConaughey. Russell Crowe's son is called Tennyson.

My Answer: No.

2.  Is it unique to give a girl a name that is more closely associated with boys?
Maxwell  Drew Johnson, daughter of Jessica Simpson, would probably say no. Ditto for Johnny Knoxville's daughter Arlo.  One of the guys from Green Day has a daughter named Ryan. Heidi Klum's youngest daughter is simply "Lou." Melissa Etheridge has a daughter named Johnnie. Charlie is one of Rebecca Romijn and Jerry O'Connell's twins -- obviously she's not their favourite.

My Answer: No

3.  Is it unique to give a child the surname of a President? 
Don't we all know at least one girl named Kennedy, Madison, Reagan or McKinley?  Or one boy named Jefferson? Tom Hanks' son is Truman. Ditto for the grandson of Martha Stewart. One of Kevin Costner's sons is Hayes. Jackson was the name Natalie Maines gave her son.

My Answer: No

These first three points are based upon the widely held belief that Bell and Shepard named the girl after American President Lincoln. However, it's entirely possible that Lincoln Bell Shepard is named after one of the 42+ municipalities named Lincoln in the USA. Ergo:

4.  Is it unique to use a place name as a given name?
Not even close. There's Egypt, son of Alicia Keyes. One of the Beckham boys is Brooklyn. Badly-named Maxwell has a cousin named Bronx. Consider that Chris Hemsworth daughter is India. Tennessee is the unfortunately named child of Reese Witherspoon.

My Answer: No

Which brings me to the fifth possible reason that Lincoln MIGHT be a unique name. A quick online search shows that Shepard is ridiculously proud of his souped up 1967 Lincoln Continental.

5. Is it unique to name your child after a mode of transportation? 
In the "no" column there's Ford Wilson, son of Owen Wilson. He's keeping company with Jett given by George Lucas and John Travolta to their sons, and by Lisa Ling to her daughter. Director Robert Rodriguez has a son named Rocket.

My Answer: no, but that's because I'm a hard ass who thinks a car is a poor namesake. Also I don't put a high premium on "unique" names for human beings.

What do you think about Baby Girl Lincoln?

Friday, March 29, 2013


If I were a whale I would say...

Well, hello there, mammalian land dwellers! How are you today?

I hope you aren't planning on capturing me and enslaving me at one of your land-based aquatic zoos where landlubbers pay top dollar to see me perform banal tricks that are an insult to my intelligence. And theirs too, for that matter. That's practically criminal.

Since I have your attention, please spread the word that I no longer wish to be called a Killer Whale. That's just a nickname I used in my youth when attempting to garner street cred. I thought perpetuating a misleading image of violence would keep the whalers at bay. Adopting a tough alias is a lesson that my brethren the Melon Headed Whales, might want to take into consideration.

 These days I prefer to go by my scientific name: Orcinus Orca. Or better yet you can just call me Orca -- The Panda of the Sea.

Peace out


Thursday, March 28, 2013


It makes me nervous...

... when I hear about near-earth asteroids. You know how people have developed ad-blockers so they never see advertisements on webpages? I want someone to make a similar program for my computer (or my brain!) so that I can avoid reading about asteroids. When I see a news story or a post about asteroids, meteoroids or meteors, I read it. I can't consciously let myself live in an ignorance bubble, but in short order, I regret this impulse.

Coverage of the Russian meteor event (the biggest one since 1908 when one struck near Tunguska, Russia) in February did my heart no good. Also not helping: Neil deGrasse Tyson. Since February, he has been popping up on the web and television voicing variations of this thought:
I mean, if one [meteor event] happened in the 90s and one happened now, and you fill in for the areas of the Earth where it wouldn't have been noticed if it did, for example, the North Pole or Antarctica or Northern Canada, where hardly anybody lives, you could easily sort of hide one of these from anybody's view simply because of the large swathes of area on Earth's surface where nobody inhabits it.
Why would Neil say this? Doesn't he know that I live in NORTHERN CANADA! On the same latitude line as Chelyabinsk! He and I are Trekkies, surely this bond should keep him from saying mean stuff that makes me panicky? I don't mind if he lies to me. In fact, I'd prefer it to having to deal with the very real possibility of humans being annihilated by extraterrestrial rocks.

 Then there is John Holdren, the White House's science advisor. He recently said:
The odds of a near-Earth object strike causing massive casualties and destruction of infrastructure are very small, but the potential consequences of such an event are so large it makes sense to take the risk seriously.
My brain doesn't process the "very small" comment only the terms massive, casualties, destruction and risk. It doesn't help when the head of NASA says that prayer is our only defense against meteors.

I'm agnostic.

I live in the north.

I am doomed.

Excuse me while I go and cry.

• • • • • • • • • • 

I am too anxious to use an asteroid as an illustration. 
So here's a chimpanzee wearing clothes. 
This is something else that makes me fear for the future of the human race. 

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Warp Speed Wednesday: Cross Over.

My children have learned how to exploit my love of  Star Trek for their own purposes. They will ask to watch a particular show and if I refuse, they will point out that it features an actor from Star Trek. Invariably I cave. Yesterday they were allowed to watch three episodes of iCarly, but only after agreeing to pick ones featuring Principal Franklin. In fact they lied, and only the last episode had more than one scene with Tim Russ, aka Voyager's science officer Tuvok.

This same technique is employed for viewings of Transformers: Prime and Justice League Unlimited which feature the voice work of Star Trek alum Jeffrey Combs (aka Brunt, Weyoun, Shran, Penk and Tiron). I sat through the entirety of Bionicle: The Legend Reborn -- it was awful, by the way -- because I love Michael Dorn's voice. Dorn was also on the animated Superman series. Watching those episodes is no great trial because I like that series. Brent Spiner recently played The Purple Man on The Avengers!

John de Lancie does the voice for Discord on My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic. Sadly the boys will not watch it with me so I have not made it to season 2 where he appears. Maybe I could watch them out of sequence? Why is this only occuring to me now?

I could go on, but my time is clicking down and my bed calls. I will stop my list here with cartoon appearances and carry on  next Wednesday  eventually. I will be blogging about Star Trek regulars appearing on my OTHER favourite sadly-no-longer-in-production-but-thankfully-on-netflix show: Murder, She Wrote. But here's a taste of what's to come:

Levar Burton in the season 3 episode "Death Takes A Dive."

Tuesday, March 26, 2013


I'm scraping the bottom of the barrel for prompts with my month-long blogging challenge. In particular, "I can do it myself" stymies me. I can not disassociate it with the image of a toddler stomping their foot and screeching "I can do it myself!!!!" Hence that topic warrants only this cursory mention and none other.

The official topic for today will be mushrooms.

• I grew up  in the seventies and I remember a brief period when mushrooms were a popular home decor theme. Would it be safe to assume this was a subtle drug reference that crept into the mainstream?

• Did you know "toadstool" is a synonym for mushroom? I have only just learned this thanks to the collective wisdom of the internet. Thank you Al Gore, for enriching my existence. I thought mushrooms were the edible fungi, and toadstools were the magical-type inhabited by pixies or gnomes or whatever is the politically correct term for the fairy folk.

• My husband frequently speaks about his grandfather collecting and eating wild mushrooms. Mr Wrath even owns a handbook for identifying wild mushroom varieties, but he has never used it. Mostly because I'm deeply suspicious of mushrooms that don't come from the grocery store and am unwilling to risk a painful death in the name of free food.

• I am more than happy with store-bought mushrooms. I think button mushrooms are a great addition to any meal, except for macaroni and cheese. But Hannah swears my fears are misplaced. If anyone wants to invite me over for a meal of homemade macaroni and cheese with mushrooms, I will happily accept. Actually, feed my anything and I will be happy.

• I will conclude with a photo of Leonard Nimoy, aka Spock from Star Trek, the original series.  It's his 82nd birthday today. Here's a photo of him getting sprayed in the face by mind-altering spores:

Happy Birthday, Mr Nimoy.

Monday, March 25, 2013


For Day 25 I'm going to go with the prompt 
 • • • • • • • •

I have chosen this topic so I can justify writing about giving birth to Klaxon and Zarf. The inspiration for this comes from SkyMommy who is due whenever-she-damn-well-feels-like-it!! with her son Wesley. This post will not be about kick-starting labour and it will be devoid of traumatic or dramatic details. It will be two simple anecdotes about the early stages of labour -- which made me say "ouch" -- with my sons.

The year was 2002...

On the Friday that marked the start of my 41st week of pregnancy I begged my doctor to induce labour. He was disinclined but promised if I still hadn't delivered by Monday, he would do it.

At 3 AM on Sunday morning, I woke up with a stomach ache. I was pissed. Here I was more than a week passed my due date and I was being struck down with stomach roiling indigestion that surely indicated I had food poisoning! Overdue AND sick. Damn.  I could not believe my dumb luck. Mr Wrath very gently pointed out that maybe the stomach pains that came EVERY FOUR MINUTES then ebbed, were labour pains. But I was adamant that this was impossible since "My baby is going to be induced on Monday. The doctor said so. Today is Sunday! There would be no baby today. MONDAY was the day we'll have the baby."

Eventually he prevailed, we went to the hospital and I had a baby on Sunday. It made me say "ouch."

Twenty-two months later.... and a day shy of 40 weeks, I woke up with stomach pains. Every four minutes! This time I was pretty sure I was in labour. We drove to the hospital, and it was announced that I was in active labour.

Now let me backtrack for a moment. When we were expecting Zarf we had attended prenatal classes at the community college. Traditionally the courses were taught by nurses but that semester the community college, the local health authority and the nurses' union were at odds about some issue related to wages. It meant that the nurses were not teaching the course. Instead the class was lead by a woman whose usual job was giving ballroom dance classes at the college. Her sole qualification for the job was that she'd given birth to four children via natural childbirth, and could foxtrot. Sadly she had no medical training and could not bring herself to say words related to the female body.  It was by turns alarming and amusing that she referred to the vulva, the vagina, the cervix and the womb as "down there."

Which is why, as I breathed through a particularly strong contraction, my husband leaned forward and asked  "Are you experiencing some discomfort down there?"

I laughed like a donkey. The contraction abruptly ended. I was released from the hospital with stalled labour and told to return when things picked up again. At my insistence we drove to the mall where I bought my husband a supply of word searches, crossword puzzles and Sudoku books with the instructions. "I don't want to hear another word out of your mouth, Funny Man, til this kid is born."

And the next day -- on his due date -- Klaxon was born after 12 hours of labour -- which made me say "ouch" -- during which my husband kept busy with his books and did NOT make a single smart arse remark.

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Presidential Seal (Hunt).

Day 24.
Today's Prompt: Dear Mr President.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

Dear Mr Obama,

My name is Nan and I'm writing to you in my capacity as an advocate for the continuation of the Canadian Commercial Seal hunt, a supporter of the Inuit seal hunt, an opponent of the EU Ban on seal products, a Newfoundlander, and an individual who enjoys a good fight.

Let me be frank: thanks for not mouthing off about the seal hunt during your tenure as president of the United States. I appreciate it, especially considering in 2006 you wrote a letter to PETA promising "to ensure that we take all the necessary steps to express our outrage with the Canadian government." You went on to say, "Canada annually opens its eastern waters to commercial seal hunting. The United States and European Union have been unified in their opposition to the slaughter of seals by passing legislation decades ago to restrict the sale of seal-based products within their borders," and then pledged to insinuate yourself into my nation's affairs via your position on the United States Senate's Foreign Relations Committee.

Obviously in the interceding years you have stepped away from this opinion.

Is it because you now know lobbyists, activists and celebrities manipulate public sentiment by using overly-emotional language and misleading photos of white coats (which are exempt from the hunt)? Seven years on, do you recognize the inherent hypocrisy of going after an industry solely because the optics don't sit well with a few soft-minded, vocal animal-activists while larger, more successful industries that harvest animals don't warrant attention from deep-pocketed, special-interest groups (ie, the Humane Society of United States and IFAW)?  Or are you staying quiet because you realize that you don't have the right to stick your nose in the internal affairs of Canada and sabotage an  ecologically sound, humanely operatedtraditional activity involving a renewable resource that channels money into rural Canadian communities that desperately need the money? Or did you not care about any of this and were only attempting to pander to voters with an eye to eventually running for the White House? I would love to know.

All the same, good luck in your second term. You're going to need it.



Saturday, March 23, 2013

Colour. Not Color.

Ezri approves of the new walls around the kitchen stairwell. (Especially this shade of beige, "Pale Gingerbread." It coordinates perfectly with her fur. Mr Wrath is currently painting some of the new walls in a shade that I describe as "robin's egg blue with undertones of grey." Home Hardware calls it "Herbal Wrap." This makes no sense. That name evokes browns or greens, not blue. I would call this "Ezri's eye colour" or "Robin's Egg Grey" or....huh...actually, it's kind of hard to think up paint names.  Who knew?! Now I feel badly for being churlish with Home Hardware's paint department. Maybe they should outsource the task to Laura. Her paint names are so evocative.)   

I approve of the new light fixture. (Especially because Klaxon -- age 9 -- picked it out. It's meant to be an exterior fixture, but it's well suited to that wall. If it gets knocked by someone carrying something large or unwieldy up or down the stairs, the CFL bulb won't shatter and poison us with minute levels of mercury. Not that this was Klaxon's reason for choosing it. Instead he picked it because it matched the aesthetic of the Enterprise in the series reboot. In particular, the engine room which has an industrial feeling that is also reminiscent of a submarine. Or so he says.)

• • • • • • • 

For day 23 I went promptless.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Today should be a national holiday.

Why William Shatner should be the next 
Governor-General of Canada:

1. He is Canadian.

2. He is bilingual.

3. He owns his own tuxedo.

4. He has experience paddling a canoe.

5. He is known internationally. As the Captain of the Enterprise! And -- of course -- for other roles and ventures.

6. People would actually watch Throne Speeches. If. Delivered. By. William. Shatner. From. The. FloorOfTheHouseOfCommons.

7. We're all getting a little bit bored of having the Queen on our stamps and coins, right? I bet she'd be willing to let The Shat have a turn.

8. All state funerals would include Shatner performing Live Life Like You're Gonna Die

9. Isn't it about time we had a Jewish Governor-General? 

10. I want to see Bill flirt with Kate next time she and Will come to Canada. That would be so much more amusing than a ceremonial tree planting.

11. He's not going to prorogue parliament for just any schlub in a shiny suit.

12, As the Priceline negotiator, he will be able to keep his travel expenses down, unlike other governor-generals.

and finally,

13. It's his birthday today and I didn't get him anything!

• • • • • • • • • • • • •

This is the third time I've blogged about Mr Shatner's birthday. It's also the 22nd post I have written in March.

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Twenty One.

Cinnamon buns
Post It Notes
Tree sap
A variety of rice
The stuff they use on magazine advertising supplements
Fly paper
Important topics on on-line forums
My kitchen floor
Fresh asphalt
Hair products
Pumpkin guts

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 

Today's topic is Sticky Things.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Warp Speed Wednesday: Troi.

Once upon a time Mary commented that Counsellor Deanna Troi was a character that could only appear on a show written and produced in the 1980s. So true. There's no way this Next Generation character would serve on Kirk's Enterprise. He'd be too busy trying to sleep with her and she would constantly pester him to talk about why he feels compelled to sleep with so many alien ladies. Talking about feeeeeeeeeelings wouldn't get her very far with Janeway's crew. Kira Nerys would bean her upside the head with Sisko's baseball. And Archer? Well, quite frankly Archer would talk her ear off about his long-dead, be-sainted father who didn't love him enough.

In addition to her love of talking about feeeeeelings and sensing feeeeeeelings, Deanna Troi is also well known for her quintessential 1980s fashion sense. Her hair! Her dresses! They're amazing. They give me feeeeeeeeelings.

It takes a truly ugly, shiny, assymetical, mullet dress to detract from Riker's blouse and his high waisted pleated slacks. Well-played, Troi!

Of all Deanna's many looks the one from the premiere episode remains my favourite:

I read online (and now I can't find the source, sorry) that this is only episode where Marina Sirtis didn't wear a hairpeice. That hair is all hers -- that's pretty amazing. To me.

I also prefer Deanna in the mini-dress uniform from Encounter At Farpoint:

But looking at her hair and many, many outfits is a good way to pinpoint when an episode aired and what was the current fashion at that time.

So which is your favourite look?

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 

This is post #20.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

A poem.

This is post #19. Today's prompt is:


• • • • • • • • • • • • 

A poem explaining why I value my online friendships:

F is for Feminism.  Because my blog buddies HULK SMASH sexism. And Dinkie Cars.

R is for Recipes. That they generously share. 

I is for the internet, where my "imaginary friends" reside.

E is for Enthusiasm. Their passions inspire.

N is for Nutty. They make me laugh when I need it the most.

D is for Discussions. That sometimes get heated, but never get nasty.

S is for Star Trek. I will not rest until I have converted them all.

H is for Hot Men. Eye candy soothes a savage/weary heart.

I is for Intelligent. They are sardonic, quick-witted and wise.

P is for Patience. That they've shown me in spades.

Monday, March 18, 2013


This is post #18.

• • • • • • • • • • • • 

Last night I slept down in the guest room. This is because my cold has now reached the "hacking up a lung" stage, while my husband's cold is still in its infancy.  Yesterday, despite malingering, he managed to paint the new stairwell AND clean the bathrooms AND shovel the driveway. My accomplishments: hang up five pictures in the guest room, mend a set of pillow cases, bake Irish soda bread, cook stew, watch Murder, She Wrote and write a blog post. Damn -- I'm lazy.

But I digress.

I decided to sleep in the basement so he could sleep in our bed without my deep, chesty cough that sounds like a seal in heat (or so I assume) waking him up. Fogo had other plans, however.  Twice in the night she woke him up to be let out due to "intestinal issues." My sleep wasn't particularly restive but followed the same pattern as it has every night for the eight days. Fall asleep until about 3 AM. Wake up desperate to pee thanks to drinking hot lemon and tea constantly during my waking hours. Drift in and out of consciousness for several more hours, never achieving REM sleep, coughing and blowing my nose periodically. Then at 5 AM, the cats (sensing that I'm sort of awake) start agitating to be fed. In Ezri's case: by sitting next to me and purring loudly. Osiris prefers sniffing my open mouth or sitting on my chest glaring menacingly.


All the same it was nice to wake up and look around the recently painted guest room. We did a great job purging the room of extraneous stuff. I am ridiculously happy that our bookcases look like this:

Of course, the ones in the family room (which also houses our homeschool nook) are bursting.

It's got me thinking that we should makeover our bedroom.

But first I'll need to start sleeping through the night.

Sunday, March 17, 2013


This morning my boys awoke to discover that a leprechaun had left them St Patrick's Day treats. They each received sweets, bobbles, and a potato (leprechauns can be jerks) bundled into a green t-shirt, tied with ribbon and accompanied by a homemade card. The boys were thrilled. This will be a lovely little memory that exists only in our minds because it didn't occur to me to snap a photo.

Letting a momentous, magical, sweet moment of childhood pass undocumented?! I will NEVER make it as a Lifestyle blogger.

• • • • • • • • • • • • • • • • 

Let's take a moment to celebrate the gifts that Ireland has bestowed upon the world. In the form of ridiculously handsome men:

Gabriel Byrne, aka Professor Bhaer in Little Women.

Colin Farrell. He's a bad boy who will reform for the love of a good woman, aka YOU.

The ridiculously handsome and talented, Daniel Day Lewis. 

Is it wrong that I find Andrew Scott (aka Jim Moriarty) sexy? 

Young Peter O'Toole.

CiarĂ¡n McMenamin, aka My Primeval Boyfriend.

Liam Neeson. This photo is cropped for your protection. 

Young Magneto, aka Michael Fassbender.

My beloved Mr Steele. You may also know him as Pierce Brosnan.

• • • • • • • • • • • • 

This is post #17.

Saturday, March 16, 2013


It's noon. Time for Fogo's second walk of the day. We walk up to the top of the street, where I clip on my snowshoes. We head down a steep, wooded slope following a path I have trekked frequently during the ten years we've lived here.

When they were younger, the boys called it The Deep Dark Forest. But five years ago the provincial government sponsored a program to selectively harvest the trees killed by the pine beetle infestation. Then three years ago a severe windstorm blew down many of the remaining specimens. We were warned to stay clear of The Forbidden Forest for many months as it was logged. What's left now is a narrow band that lines the boulevard and hides from view a vast clear cut. I haven't lived in a city in 16 years so I have lost my moral outrage about deforestation. This clear cut represents wood harvested while it still had value and more felled in the name of public safety. One day it might serve as a firebreak in wildfire season. But even more selfishly I appreciate that the clearcut allows my family and I access to a wild, open space where we can ski, snowshoe, sled and hike within seconds of our front door.

The boys and I walk Fogo here most days. Since the snow fell in November, we've created a series of snowshoe trails.

The main section of the clear cut, Aragon's Web, is criss crossed with many short trails.

The slope down to the golf course is Death Eater Drop. To access this for sledding, we walk along Albus' Alley. At the crest, a left leads us down Voldemort's View, a meandering path that eventually leads back to Aragon's Web where it becomes Weasley's Wander.

Or we can veer to the right where Klaxon has laid out a five-pronged trail called Harry's Hand. The fingers are connected by Luna's Loop. Ultimately if the snow stays (and we've had another 30 cm this past week, so spring is a long way off) he will lay another track called Severus Street. It will lead toward the Quidditch Pitch, aka several abandoned baseball diamonds.

To return to the house I can take Tonks' Trail (or it's partner Lupin's Lane), along Dobby's Double Back and then chose between three trails: Rubeus' Run or Hagrid's Hop or Cakewalk. Cakewalk is the only trail I was allowed to name.

Obviously I lack my offspring's creative spirit and Harry Potter obsession.

• • • • • • • • • • • •

This is post #16

Friday, March 15, 2013

Animal Magnetism.

• • • • • • • • • • • • 

Animals that freak me out and/or fascinate me:

Iberian midwife toads -- A male carries his mate's fertilized eggs on his back. As a feminist, I approve.

Manatees -- They look unfinished.

Camels -- I didn't think they were particularly unusual until last month. That's when I learned camels evolved in the Canada's north 3.5 millions years ago.

Ringtail Lemurs -- My favourite animal species on the planet. They're ADORABLE looking.

Grant's Golden Moles -- They have no eyes, and are the number one reason Namibia is not a tourist hot spot. Or so I assume.

Hummingbirds -- One of my favourite things about our town is the abundance of Rufous hummingbirds. Here's a helpful hint for local readers: do not wear red hats in June or July while standing on ladders. The hummingbirds will dive bomb you!

Orangutans -- I get freaked out by all orangutans, especially male orangutans. It's those facial ridges.

Pikas -- Adorable. Even when you are back country camping and they wake you at dawn by chattering away.

Reinwardt's Flying Frogs -- Anxiety inducing thought: a moth or a bat caught in my hair. And -- as of now -- these things touching my scalp:

Narwhals -- The ugliest of all Unicorn Variants.

Capybaras -- Mutantly large guinea pigs.

Brittle Stars -- It poops out of it's mouth. I didn't know this when I held one while in Maui in 2009.

Did I miss any?