Monday, March 4, 2013

Life according to pinterest.

"The 10 Biggest Things I Have Ever Seen."

• • • • • • • • • • • • • •

I have not seen very many big things.

I thought I had when I selected this topic. But after 10 minutes of wracking my brain all I came up with was the World's Largest Pysanka. And a reference to Liam Neeson's penis. Since I have not actually seen Liam Neeson's penis -- which is supposedly a leviathan -- I decided to just mess about with the topic.

Hence today's topic is now:

 The 10 Biggest Trends I Have Seen on Pinterest:

1. Wood pallets: If you have the skill, power tools and time to dis-assemble, refurbish, and reinvent wood pallets maybe you should put your energy into making comfortable furniture using good quality wood, versus shitty wood destined for the scarp heap or the burning pile.

2. Dream wardrobes: I started a board called "Learning to Dress Myself" after realizing that my present wardrobe doesn't differ a whole lot from that of my sons. It's time I stopped arguing with them about whether or not it's cool for us all to wear our Superman shirts at the same time (they say no) and wear age appropriate clothes.

The more I see skinny jeans on real women, the more I like skirts.

3. The paleo diet: It's the grapefruit diet, for a new generation. I realize that "paleo" is only ascribed to this diet for marketing purposes, but I (and probably everyone else who has a degree in anthropological archaeology) can't get passed the misguided, uneducated assumptions inherent in the name.

4. Smoothie recipes: Get a blender. Add fruit and/or vegetables. Add liquid. Turn on blender. How hard is it, really?

5. Mason jars: Not just for hillbillies and university students, these have rustic charm.

6. Crocheting: I'm envious of everyone who can crochet. I can not crochet. I have tried to learn. I'm queen of the starting chain, but after that I lose my mind. All the loops looks EXACTLY the same!!!

7. Infographics: the visual equivalent of soundbites for a generation of people with zero attention span.

8.  Instructions on swaddling, knotting, folding scarves: It doesn't matter how you wear your scarf, people, it will never look as cool as his:

9. Doctor Who:

10. The Notebook: a lot of people (oh, who am I kidding) women love this drippy movie.

11.  Nail Art: tutorials are all over pinterest, but I don't see examples in real life. Not that I'm complaining.

12. Inspiring quotes: Which are usually less about inspiration, more about justification. But via pinterest I have learned that being zen is really about developing a high threshold for boredom.

13. Keep Calm: …and beat this phrase to a pulp.


  1. I am extremely impressed with your writing skills as well as
    with the layout on your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you modify it yourself?
    Either way keep up the nice quality writing, it is rare
    to see a great blog like this one today.

    my webpage; of Big Tits Group Sex -
    my website: see More

    1. I am keeping this spam here only because some of my bloggy friends think the name of Anonymous' web page is high comedy. Now I will take sad (relatively small) c-cups and cry myself to sleep.

  2. Well, I just hate to follow THAT anonymous comment. GEEZ.

    So, here is what I think about crocheting, it is a GREAT excuse to watch hours of really bad tv. (Or tv that is really inappropriate for the kids, on the laptop, with earphones.)

    Anyhoo....if you want to try it again, only chain about 15 stitches, And then, don't worry about WHICH loop to crochet into, just pick one and keep it consistent. And then WALLA (need sarcasm font for that), you have a foundation row. Key is consistency, not absolute correctness.

    1. It's such a nice neutral bit of spam (of which I get a lot these days) until you get to the end bit!

      That's great advice about crocheting. Thanks.

  3. I don't know what to say after your first comment. He pretty much summed it up. :)
    I must confess, mason jars is a trend I can get behind. Not so the pallets. Do people actually sit in those chairs? They don't even look nice, let alone the whole discomfort thing.
    Keep calm and blog on Nan.

    1. "Keep calm and blog on Nan." -- hahahahahaha....ahhhhhh. Please make it stop now.

      The pallet projects kill me. Especially head boards. Do people not know how crappy and dirty pallets are in reality?

  4. I was finally forced to watch The Notebook a couple of years ago. I can't adequately express how disappointed in myself I was that I didn't utterly loathe it.

    I don't do Pinterest. If I want to feel inadequate, I just force myself to really look around in my house.

    I have seen the big Polar Bear in Cochrane, the big goose in Wawa, and Husky the Muskie. I've never seen Liam Neeson's penis either.

    1. The Notebook is a cute little movie. I enjoyed it for what it was: frothy, light, and pretty which ends exactly like I anticipated. I'm just surprised by how much people love it.

      Pinterest is actually a great deal of fun. I held off for a long time because it seems filled with aspirational images and hints. If you do join try searching for the engagement photos that are recreations of romantic moments from The Notebook. It's wild.

  5. I am very disappointed that you didn't delve more into the Liam Neeson topic. Inquiring minds and all.

    How about plastic spoon art? I swear, I saw that someone had made a CHANDELIER out of plastic spoons. Dude. Ain't no one got time for that shizz.

    1. Plastic spoon art? I am going to pretend that's all a lie.

      My cervix quakes in a not-nice way when I even think of Liam Neeson's penis. Ditto for Daniel Craig's which is rumoured to be quite a size, too.

  6. I can't even with The Notebook. I refuse to read or to watch anything having to do with Nicholas Sparks. The butterdish, nevertheless continues to give me books written by NS. I'm not certain how she can have known me for 16 years and still have no clue that I am not interested in books like that. I am probably the go to source for NS books at our local Goodwill.

    Has no one doing those projects with the pallets ever attempted to sleep on a futon? They were all the rage when I was in college and my god were they uncomfortable. Never encountered even one that was reasonable to rest on for more than 10 minutes. I'll pass.

    1. Nicholas Sparks is 47 years old. Can you believe it? That seems awfully young to be so freakin' sentimental.

  7. My boys really want to see the world's biggest beaver, in Beaver Lake AB. It would be quite a drive to see it but dare to dream, boys.

    I could write a whole post on this but I won't. Point form:

    2. I love that woman's outfit, the whole thing, boots and all BUT. It bugs me to see models dressed in skirts with boots and jackets and scarves and BARE LEGS. We are in Canada. Put some tights on or those girls will freeze! Otherwise, they wouldn't need the scarf and boots and jacket.

    3. Whenever someone mentions the Paleo diet I always picture them wearing animal skins, with a club, clubbing some animal and eating it.

    7. Infographics are too busy for me. I seriously can't follow them. What's up with that?

    9. I've never seen Dr Who

    10. I've never seen The Notebook

    11. When I was in Maui getting a pedicure the woman asked if I wanted to get flowers painted onto my toenails. NO THANKS. I'm 37.

    12. THE INSPIRING QUOTES. Oh, the inspiring quotes. That is 50% of my facebook feed right there. 45% of it are those lame "e-cards". The other 5% is stuff I actually find interesting.

    1. The e-cards. Oh. Make it stop.

      I have driven past the big beaver in Beaver Lodge probably a 100 times. It never occurred to me to even think it was strange. It's just THERE. Next time I'll snap a photo for you, because I know it will make you and happy. You perv.

  8. Paint chip art. How to put your hair up. DIY. Farmhouse sinks. Oh, maybe that last one is JUST me?

    1. Farmhouse sinks -- what is the appeal?!

      I forgot to add: ways to store and display your jewellery.

  9. I love Pinterest. Can you tell by THE ENDLESS FLOOD OF MY PINS? But some people's pins are so cruddy/boring/weird. Yours are great.
    1. Wood pallets: so gross inside. Our pallet playhouse is nice, despite my VERY VERY VERBAL worries to the contrary while Bill was building.
    2. Cute outfit, but as Nicole said, SHE NEEDS TIGHTS. brr.
    3. The Paleo diet is the latest sad mainfestation of people trying to be less fat while not actively being hungry. It'll run its course.
    4. Have you ever tried DRINKING from a mason jar? It's awful.
    5. Smoothies. I can't quite imagine needing a recipe.
    6. I can't crochet. It's a magical skill that only wizards possess.
    7. Infographics are busy.
    8. I actually wear scarves tied in fancy fashions. It's my one fashion skill.
    9. I've never watched Dr. Who.
    10. I don't like The Notebook.
    11. Sometimes I wear nail polish in gaudy, horrible colours.
    12. I unfollow any board with unironic inspiring quote pins.
    13. Keep calm and... big tits group sex?
    - Beck

    1. Your pallet playhouse is very nice. It's an appropriate use for wood pallets, unlike say: stadium seating in your home theatre. I would assume that people who have home theatres don't tend to be big on cheap, labour intensive, uncomfortable, ugly, uber-unique, scavenged home decor.

      Drinking from a mason jar is awful. The feel of the harsh edge on the lip of the jar PLUS the texture of the ribs. Yuck.

  10. Lot of ground to cover. Here goes (forgive any incoherence, it's very very late):

    1. That chair looks like the most uncomfortable thing anyone has ever sat on. Sometimes I feel like Pinterest is just a giant joke and we are all the unwitting punch line.
    2. That outfit is super-cute, but you could give me the exact same pieces and I would end up looking like a hobo. I think. I have no confidence that I can pull off adult casual outfits. As soon as I'm out of my jeans-and-t-shirt uniform (I don't have Superman but I do have Boba Fett) I get nervous.
    3. The Paleo diet - I honestly think it's the cutesy name / marketing justification that annoys me the most. The little bit that I've read of it reminds me an awful lot of Atkins (no grain, lots of meat, vegetables but little fruit). Remember Atkins? Remember what happened to that guy? Elimination diets when you don't have an actual real not-pretend-or-trendy food allergy always strike me as a little First World problems, KWIM?
    4. I like smoothie recipes. Not strictly necessary but sometimes people will suggest a flavour mixture that I might not be able to come up with before I've had breakfast.
    5. My mom had Mason jars with handles. They were so cute. They were so uncomfortable to drink out of.
    6. Crochet is just another handicraft I am incapable of learning.
    7. The amount of effort that went into that infographic makes my head hurt. Also, I have never seen an episode of Doctor Who.
    8. Either Nicole or Beck sent me a video on how to fold scarves and in my imaginary grown-up-lady wardrobe, they feature prominently, because I do look smashing in a scarf.
    9.Dr. Who - see above.
    10. The fact that Nicholas Sparks has many millions of dollars for his writing strikes me as problematic. I read "The Notebook" and it was terrible. He's a hack.
    11. We are doing rainbow manicures next week in the dayhome! And perhaps I will work in some nail art.
    12. My mom is big into the inspirational quote thing, on Facebook. They bring out my snark-hat.

    Whew. Long comment. Now I need to relax with some big tits group sex.

    1. Inspirational quote overload is one reason I have quit Facebook. Again.