Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Warp Speed Wednesdays: When Geeks Flirt.

For the sixth day of my March Maddening Madness Blog Challenge of Inanity (I'm still working on a catchy title), I'm deviating from form to return to my weekly salute to Star Trek:



This week's topic comes courtesy of Beck (aka Beck Shorter, aka A Soup Making/Eating Genius, aka the creative force behind the This is my New Blog blog) who was once told that "You're so sexy. Like the Borg Queen."

For those unfamiliar with this character here are two visuals.


The Borg Queen is portrayed by Alice Krige in 
Star Trek: First Contact and in "Endgame," the series finale of Voyager.
 In four other episodes of Voyager, Susanna Thompson appears in the role.

It's safe to say most women would be nonplussed to receive such a "compliment." Even a trekkie like myself would be taken aback to be compared to this cruel, despotic cyborg with the pallour of a corpse, and a robotic tarantula emerging from the crown of her head.  I assume Beck -- like the Borg Queen -- has fantastic cheekbones and a great rack. Or her would-be-suitor was socially awkward and into S and M.

• • • • • • • • •

This seems like a good time to come up with some tips for Trekkies (of either gender or any sexual orientation) on the make:

Rule #1: When it comes to dating, your shining example of what-to-do is Picard. Not Riker. Not Kirk. Not Data. Not Troi. Not Quark. And for damn sure, not Worf.

Rule #2: Leave the uniform at home. This doesn't mean you should go naked -- save that for a Betazed wedding. It means that you should dress like someone from this century. Take a friend (or your mom) on an away mission to a planet called The Gap.

Rule #3: Ease up on the Romulan ale. No one likes a sloppy drunk who keeps saying, "I dunno what you are serving me, Guinan, but I don't think this is synthehol? GIMME ANOTHER!"

and finally:

Rule #4: Don't use these pick up lines:

You make my "Earl Grey" feel hot. 

When I look at you, two words come to mind: pon and farr!

Nice horga'hn, babe. 

Are you seeking jamaharon?

FYI -- I am fully functional. In every way. 
I am programed in multiple techniques. A broad variety of pleasuring. 

If I ask you nice, will you touch my lobes? 

Do you have a stable worm hole? Because my runabout is prepared to enter its event horizon.

Are you interested in initiating First Contact? Because my boarding party is ready to go.

The time for reunification is NOW.

Your nacelles make me want to eject my warp core.

• • • • • • • • •

This does raise the question: who is the sexiest female or male Star Trek character? I'm leaning toward Jadzia Dax. Anyone have other contenders?

EDITED on March 2, 2013: And Picard. Obviously. He is incredibly sexy. I can't belive my oversight!

13 comments:

  1. Those pick up lines!! *gasps, chokes* I'm dying. Seriously. I'm dead now.

    Oh, the sexiest ST character is BY FAR Captain Picard. That's an easy one. Meow.

    "The time for reunification is NOW". *snicker*

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    1. My favourite is the term "event horizon." I'm giggling even while I type it.

      AND YES! Why didn't I put Picard's name up there? Maybe because it's stating the obvious? Yes. Let's go with that excuse.

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  2. Well as young girl regularly watching Star Trek - The Next Generation, I always wanted to be like Counsellor Troy as I thought she was very pretty.

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    1. I remember loving her hair, too! It was so quintessentially 80s. I read somewhere that it took longer for the make up artists to do her hair and make than to apply Worf's forehead ridges.

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  3. That has to be my FAVORITE bad compliment I've ever had, right up there with some old guy telling me that I had "Neferriti's nose" (and then asking if I wanted to party in his van. No thank you!) and the time a guy told me I looked like Robin Hood but as a "hot girl." GOLLY. I am just lucky.

    PICARD is the sexiest, of course!
    Beck

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    1. HAHAHAHAHA. You must give off "I'm beautiful and extremely tolerant of local colour" vibes.

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  4. Jadzia Dax! Spot on; well, done! Some might say 7 of 9, but that's like empty calories sexy.

    Good advice all around but I'm concerned that Picard would never be on the make. He would simply be presented at some future point in time with a wonderful wife. Apropos of nothing, this gap has greatly vexed me. I am vexed. But I am heartened that you ladies think Picard is sexy.

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    1. "I am heartened that you ladies think Picard is sexy." -- this put a huge smile on my face. Thanks.

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  5. Alice Krige creeps me out even when she's NOT a disembodied head that gets screwed into a robot body.

    I was never clear on whether synthehol gets you drunk or not. I vote for Picard as sexiest too.

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    1. I think it varies throughout the different series. Sometimes it gets you drunk, but you don't have a hangover later. Other times it doesn't get you drunk at all.

      I don't think I've seen Alice Krige in anything else! Or maybe I have but her not looking deathly white throws me off.

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  6. Okay 1. I get each of those pick up lines and that both cracks me up and... I'm not sure. All I know is I hadn't seen one Star Trek thing before the new movie came out and now I'm full on getting obscure references. So... proud? Shall I be proud of that?

    2. I totally agree that Jadzia Dax is probably the sexiest female. Kes is super pretty but probably too sweet to qualify as sexy per se. Of course Zoe Saldana as Uhura... extremely sexy. I don't know if you're counting new Star Trek though.

    3. Sexiest male? Um, you're going to think I'm weird but I have a big nerd crush on Spock and a bit of one on Data. Apparently I like fictional men with no emotions. I don't know.

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    1. I'm very proud of you! You are one of the chosen people!

      I use to want to wear Kes' clothes. Not in a pervert way, but it was the mid 90s and I loved that she pretty dresses with colour coordinated tights. I did think that it was a waste for Kes to be with Neelix and I held out hope that she would get together with Tom.

      I like fictional men who are competent and very intelligent. So I can see the appeal of Spock (both Quinto's and Nimoy's versions)

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    2. This just might be my most favorite Star Trek themed post of all time.

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