If I were a whale I would say...
Well, hello there, mammalian land dwellers! How are you today?
I hope you aren't planning on capturing me and enslaving me at one of your land-based aquatic zoos where landlubbers pay top dollar to see me perform banal tricks that are an insult to my intelligence. And theirs too, for that matter. That's practically criminal.
Since I have your attention, please spread the word that I no longer wish to be called a Killer Whale. That's just a nickname I used in my youth when attempting to garner street cred. I thought perpetuating a misleading image of violence would keep the whalers at bay. Adopting a tough alias is a lesson that my brethren the Melon Headed Whales, might want to take into consideration.
These days I prefer to go by my scientific name: Orcinus Orca. Or better yet you can just call me Orca -- The Panda of the Sea.