Monday, June 3, 2013

Heads up, [Science] Lovers.

On Sunday, the Guardian published an interview with Michael Douglas , who is promoting his new Liberace bio-pic. A great deal of attention is being paid to this part of the article:
The throat cancer, I assume, was first seeded during those wild middle years, when he drank like a fish and smoked like the devil. Looking back, knowing what he knows now, does he feel he overloaded his system? "No," he says. "No. Because, without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus."

The Guardian has also published a companion piece to the interview discussing Douglas' diagnosis and the connection betweent HPV and oral cancer:
Mahesh Kumar, a consultant head and neck surgeon in London, confirmed that the last decade has seen a dramatic rise in this form of cancer, particularly among younger sufferers. Recent studies of 1,316 patients with oral cancer found that 57% of them were HPV-16 positive. "It has been established beyond reasonable doubt that the HPV type 16 is the causative agent in oropharyngeal cancer," said Kumar, who also testified to increased recovery rates among this kind of cancer sufferer. This would help explain why Douglas was given an 80% chance of survival, despite the advanced stage of his illness. 
It's admirable that Douglas is calling attention to the fact that HPV affects both sexes. It's also interesting that he's remaining neutral about the controversial HPV vaccination program.

Personally, I do not think enough attention is being paid to the part of the original article where Michael says:
"[I]t's a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer." He shrugs. "And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it."

Cunnilingus has curative powers?!  I always suspected this was the case!!!

I believe it behooves society to fully investigate this idea. Immediately. We need to test this hypothesis using the scientific method. And because I love -- LOVE!!! -- science, I'm willing to do my own research. For the greater good of society.  And in lieu of a widespread government funded study, I think everyone should engage in some home-based, grass roots data gathering. Starting tonight.

Who's with me? Do it. FOR SCIENCE, LADIES!!!


  1. So, does this mean that whenever we see Catherine Zeta-Jones out and about that we should be giving her a high-five, or something?

    My husband has long contended that peniscillin will cure whatever ails you. I think there is a distinct lack of empirical evidence.

  2. Yes!!! For science! Because I too absolutely LOVE science!

  3. I started telling my husband about the whole Michael Douglas cancer thingie, and realized he was starting to look alarmed, at which point I said "But don't worry honey, *I* don't have HPV!" Science indeed.

  4. I would like to never, ever, ever again think of Michael Douglas and any kind of sex act whatsoever at the same time, ever, ever, EVER AGAIN.