Monday, August 26, 2013

Toilet paper companies can kiss my [clean] ass.

Anyone else think this marketing slogan is a little bit off-putting?


Of course compared to ad slogans and commercials from toilet paper companies, a slightly lewd molasses ad is nothing.

I am of course referring to Charmin. I really thought they couldn't do any worse than those stupid bears. But now they've developed an app called "Sit or Squat" so people can locate public washrooms quickly. We're also meant to sit (or maybe "squat" -- your choice) through commercials that ask the age old question "Are you tired of finding skid marks in your kid's underwear?" Furthermore, we should buy Charmin in order to "Enjoy the Go:"


Mind you, Cottonelle's "Let's Talk About Your Bum" campaign (with a pretty, blonde lady coercing people into trying wet wipes in public washrooms) is also crude and tasteless.


Royale is doing marginally better with their "Everyone deserves to feel royale sometime today" ads:


Of course as the owner of a white cat, I'm kind of freaked out by the visual of wiping my ass on her fur. Is that not the message I'm suppose to take from these ads? Maybe I'm confused.

In conclusion, I will only be buying Purex toilet paper or store brands until these ad campaigns are dropped.

9 comments:

  1. THEY HAVE AN APP?

    That's it then. The end of the world is nigh.

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    1. I wonder if the developer who made that app admits it to his/her friends? Ditto for the "mad men" who came up with those effin' bears.

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  2. It's times like these that I'm very happy I only have one TV channel and that I rarely even watch that one.

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    1. We don't have "broadcast" tv at all. So the boys overdosed on tv while on vacation and I saw way too many awful ads. Like the Tena ones where the old ladies are dancing while not wetting (or so I assume) themselves.

      Which reminds: kegels.

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  3. I have *always* wondered about the white kitten / toilet paper branding. Even as a kid I thought it was very strange to try and imply that X Brand paper feels exactly the same as rubbing a fluffy cat over your ass.

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    1. It's a very strange visual. And I feel quite protective of Ezri now lest anyone use her as TP.

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  4. The only app that needs making is one that shames people who excrete upon the toilet instead of within it.

    The idea of wiping my ass with white kittens makes me laugh hysterically but I still buy store brand TP because it's cheaper.

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    1. When my kids are very annoying at the grocery store I threaten to buy toilet paper and tissues made from recycled sources. They shape up ASAP. This is torture for children whose father makes pulp for a living -- they're paper product snobs.

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  5. AND GRANDMA'S SWEET STUFF HELL NO.

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